Dawn
by perfectsmuttyvampire
Summary: Twilight - except with Jasper instead of Edward. And a very gutsy, witty, much braver Bella, because I didn't really take to the old Bella. Look, just a whole new version of it.
1. Chapter 1

_Sometimes in your life, taking wild chances is what really matters. Daring to do something that everyone else advises you against is not necessarily brave, but it will be those daring deeds that make you who you are. So what do you do when you make that wild decision, and that wild decision has consequences that scare the living hell out of you?_

_Only I get to make my mistakes, and I don't exactly see them as mistakes. _

_I don't regret the decisions I made. The decisions I have made have made me. Even the little ones. Decisions that wouldn't make most people blink once and wouldn't involve more than a seconds thought have been the major ones for me. _

_Like, for instance, saying yes to the handsome boy who the town avoided. Meeting just one man has completely changed my life. And I wouldn't go back, and do it all differently. No. No, I have made my choices, and I can live with all of them. _

_Even though, because of those decisions, I now stand and face death. Because I got him from it all. So I do not regret my choices. My question is thus: Do you?_

**TITLE: Dawn**

**SUMMARY: Twilight - except with Jasper instead of Edward. And a very gutsy, witty, much braver Bella, because I didn't really take to the old Bella. Look, just a whole new version of it.**

**WARNING: Bit of bad language, perhaps a little smut, haven't decided fully yet, danger, angst, and a very, very sexy and bad-boy Jasper, which immediately asks for an M rating, no?**

**A/N: My personal, ideal Jasper was the frame for this story. Jasper is wonderful, no? ; )**

I can't regret my decision to leave Phoenix. It's not like I ever really belonged. I'll miss it anyway, with it's blistering heat and pavements that shimmer by 8 in the morning. Where it never snows and rains about five days a year and the less you wear, the more comfy you are.

But I don't fit here. I am not blonde and sporty, I am brunette and clumsy. I go for jean shorts over skirts, shirts over dresses, over-sized men's baseball shirts as a beach dress. So I'm trading Phoenix, Arizona, for Forks, a tiny town in the Olympic Peninsula, Washington . Where it rains and snows, with about five days of sun per year. And it'll be cold. I wear my favourite shirt, and I wear it as a farewell gesture. I have a parka, which we had to go out and buy.

The reason for my rather dramatic move is my mother, Renee. She got married again, to Phil, and he plays baseball. They want to go on tour together, so I'm going to spend some time with my dad, Charlie. I hate the rain. But Renee misses Phil if she stays home with me, so I'm going to make everyone happy, and move to Forks.

Muse is on my iPod when we hit Port Angeles. Charlie is waiting with his police cruiser. I need to get a car. I am not being driven around town in a cop car. We aren't much for talking, me and Charlie. The hour drive to Forks is in silence, and it suits us both. I am forced to break my self imposed silence when we pull up in front of the house.

"Whose truck, Ch- Dad?"

"Your truck."

"Mine?"

"Yeah, well, your Mom and I brought it. Homecoming present. So you won't have to rely on me or friends to drive you around."

"That's cool, Dad, thanks," and I really mean it. Big truck, truck for someone who can't walk over a flat surface without tripping. Sort of truck you see at crashes, totally unharmed.

The weatherman is ridiculously chipper the next morning. My alarm goes off and a very cheerful voice fills the room.

"And whilst it will rain again towards evening, that won't be until nine pm and for the day's forecast, there will be substantial cloud cover. Temperature wise, it will be around twelve degrees centigrade and -" I shut him off. No way should someone forecasting rain again be so happy. He's gotta be on Prozac. Ah, first day at school. I'm kinda too old for this. Plus, it's March, middle of term. I'm going to be the freaky newbie who doesn't know where to sit at lunch, where to go to class.

I hang onto the shred of hope that in a town this small, the school can't possibly be all that big. So I drive to school. I park by the front office, go inside. I get a schedule. I get a map. I get a helpful smile that announces to the goddamn world that I am Charlie Swan's daughter, and everyone in this provincial little hole somewhere in Washington, has been waiting for me. I get stared at in the halls. Hey, I'm not just the new girl. I'm the headliner in the freak show. I don't bother with the canteen. I can't be arsed to act nice, put on some fake smile, pretend I'm interested in their chatter. I don't want to talk about Phoenix, whether I'm liking Forks, what's it like living with the Chief of Police blah de fucking blah.

I seriously contemplate skipping biology. I did Advanced Placement in Phoenix. Chances are I've done the lab. No, it's my first day, I have to get my crap slip signed so they can be sure I'm doing OK. I drag myself there.

There's only one open seat in the room, right next to a blond kid who I don't remember seeing in any of my other classes. I guess it isn't all that uncommon, but still, most of the kids in here have been in at least one of my classes.

I get sent to sit by the blond, who actually looks a lot like he's in pain. Did someone kick him in the nuts? I sit down, he starts, stiffens, and snaps his head round so fast to look at me I swear I should have heard the bones snap. He glares. It's no dirty look, it's a full on glare. Hey, I've not even met you yet! There is no way I could have offended you. Jeez, will you quit glaring at me.

He's up and out barely ten minutes in to the lesson. There is no way that is my fault. All the same, I ask the teachers permission to go to the bathroom. I see him crossing the car park from a window, and run after him.

"Hey! Hey!" He swings around, delivers the death glare again. "What the hell is your problem, kid?"

"You shouldn't stay."

"Like hell. You want to explain the death glares, the frankly appalling behaviour and, lets be honest, the downright rude stunt you pulled in there? How can you possibly have a problem with me?"

"Like I said, you ought go."

"I ought go? _Ought_? Jesus, are you from the 1800's or something? Nobody says ought any more. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me why you suddenly seem to hate me!"

"Isabella," says a new voice from behind me. I swing round and encounter a solid wall of muscle. The owner has dark hair and the same pale face and dark eyes that Blondie boasts.

"And you are?"

"My name is Emmett. Mr Banner sent me to look for you."

"Who's Mr Banner?"

"Your biology teacher. He's wondering where you've gone. I would suggest coming up with a better excuse the next time you want to sneak out."

"OK, Emmett, well, I'll be heading back. If we speak again, my name is not Isabella, it is Bella." I turn back to Blondie who looks almost feral. For the first time, I feel a twinge of fear. I hide it. "Seeing as I never got your name, Blondie, I'll just let you know that it is bloody rude to glare at people who've done nothing to merit the Glare of Death. We aren't finished."

JPOV

She walked away in a swirl of that delicious perfume. The scent of her blood is driving me insane. That is the closest I have ever come to losing complete control. It would have been so easy. I would have killed everyone in that room in seconds. Emmett shoves me to Edward's Volvo.

"Car. Get in. Now. No arguments."

"Alice?"

"Three different visions. One - you killed everyone in the room and drained the blood of Little Miss Firebrand. Two - you walked out, hid in a closet, and killed her. Three - you did what you did. Walk out and away. However, Alice did not plan on Bella coming after you and demanding an explanation, which is why we're going home. If she sees you back in school, she'll want to have it out." there is a long silence. "God, of all the people to be your damn singer, you pick the one who's got more balls than most vampires."

There is the row to end all rows that night.

"We need to leave."

"Like hell we need to leave, Rosalie." Edward says, impatiently.

"Of course we've got to leave!" I shout at Alice. "Of course we have to leave! I will kill her if we stay, and we both know it!"

"And if we leave? She's your singer, Jasper, do you honestly think that by leaving you'll be able to get her out of your mind?" Edward adds, irritably. "I can't even read her mind, we have no way of predicting what she'll do next! She's spontaneous. The decision to follow Jasper was made on a whim, and Alice can't see whims!"

"Oh, please, people, she isn't just his singer!" Emmett shouts, glaring round. "Alice can see it if she looks. Think about it people. She is Jasper's singer, but he doesn't leap on her and drain her blood right then and there - no offence, mate."

"None taken."

"Well? Alice?"

"Jesus Christ. Jasper, the fates really, really hate you."

"What?"

"She is your _mate."_

"Son of a -"

"Jasper!"

"Sorry, Esme, but this is -"

"Piss-poor planning," Emmett mutters.

"She's my mate? No way in hell is she my mate, I'd have felt something."

"But you did," Carlisle says. "You must have! Something inside you gave you the strength to walk away."

"And how do we know that that strength will not fail him next time she gets up in his face?" Rosalie demands. "How do we know he can control himself?"

"Rosalie, your lack of faith in me is actually quite insulting. I appreciate that in the past, I have screwed up. I get that. But we all have. Look, if I didn't attack her today, why would I do it in the future?"

"Why don't we just move on now, save ourselves later?" Rose snaps at me. "You can't do this Jasper, and you know it!" There is a deadly silence. Emmett puts himself between Rose and me, and I know I have got the Major Whitlock face on, the one that says that if she tries that one again, I'll rip her to shreds.

The stand off continues. Would I, had Rosalie made another remark, killed Emmett to get to her? Possibly. Would I have gone for Rosalie anyway, with or without Emmett standing in my way? Yes. Alice breaks us up.

"Enough. I have seen enough to get rough idea of what will happen tomorrow. We are staying. Shut up, Rosalie, or I will shut you up. We stay. Isabella Marie Swan is Jasper's mate, whether we like it or not. Tomorrow, you go back to school. She'll want to have it out with you. You will have an argument about your behaviour, which you will naturally try and defend. I cannot see anything of the outcome of that row, bar that you do not attack her."

"And if we leave?"

"Jasper will find his way back here. They've met now - they will not be able to remain apart. I guarantee you're on her mind tonight."


	2. Chapter 2

BPOV

I can't get him out of my head. The pale face, the eyes of black, the golden curls, a style that is over a century out of date. The proper way he talks, with that tint of Southern drawl, the way I could tell, even from a distance, that he was built like a man, although he's seventeen, tops. The way his eyes had flashed with anger, the way he had recoiled from me, and the way he stared at me. Like I was - like he wanted to _devour_ me. Half of me wanted to cuss him out for being such a tosser.

The other half wanted, for whatever weird reason, to ask him to hold onto me.

I never been looked at like that. That's what's really got me tossing and turning, instead of sleeping. I have been stared at like he stared at me - like he wanted to eat me, and at the same time, like he was trying to figure something out. Those coal-black eyes, burning a hole through me. Those beautiful eyes - wait, what?

God, get a grip, Swan! He was a class A jackass with a serious sleep problem, and an Attitude. Like you need that! However, he was unforgivably rude - _yes, just go and talk to him tomorrow_! my brain admonishes, and I shake my head. Great, now I'm hearing voices. Thank you, Blondie. Take a bloody hike, and get out of my brain! It's three a.m. I need sleep! I decide firmly that as soon as I see him tomorrow, I am having it out with him.

I get to school early. I know that if I don't catch him now, I never will. A flashy silver Volvo pulls up, and he gets out the back. I pay no attention to the growing crowd of students, or to the fact that multiple people have gotten out the car with him, I just zero right in on him.

"Hey, Blondie!" I shout, and a fair few people turn around. Including him, and his little gang, or whatever. "I still want - no, scratch that. You still _owe_ me an explanation." Then I notice. "And did you get contacts, or something? Your eyes are really weird." The boy with bronze hair makes a choking sound.

"I apologise for my behaviour yesterday. I was extremely rude. And my name is Jasper. Jasper Hale."

"That was an apology, _Jasper_, which I don't remember asking for. I do recall asking for an explanation, but as far as I'm concerned, you can take your apology and ram it up your ass, to join the stick that is so clearly there."

"Excuse me?" Oh, yeah, there it is. That flashing anger. What, have his eyes changed again? I swear they're darker.

"You heard me. You cannot possibly have hated me yesterday, you hadn't even spoken to me. And, seriously, what is with your eyes? I wanna know what made you up sticks and walk out."

"I felt nauseas. I assume that this is an appropriate reason to leave class."

"Nauseas? What the hell is with you? There's some seriously messed up shit going on with your eyes, nauseas, ought, what is with you?"

"I have given you your explanation, and I have also apologised. You have received what you asked for, and our conversation is finished here." He brushes past me, and I shiver suddenly. My skin tingles where his jacket touched mine momentarily. The slight falter in his step tells me he felt it too.

There is a mystery surrounding Jasper and his eyes, and I am going to find out what it is. How can I not?

JPOV

"She noticed my eyes! Since when have humans ever noticed that our eyes change?"

"Since when have humans got as close as she has? The bloodlust made your eyes a little darker whilst you were talking to her - but the change is small. She must really pay attention to things around her."

"She didn't pay attention to any of you," I grumble. "Rose was practically on top of her, she didn't even seem to notice the rest of you. And when I touched her - my God, it was so strange."

"Your bond with her must be really strong."

"Alice, I have had two arguments with her. We do not have a bond."

Unbelievably, she comes back over to us all in the canteen, to murmurs and stares.

"Jasper, I wish to apologise for my behaviour earlier. You were awfully rude to me yesterday" - and she gives a tiny smile - "but I was unforgivably unpleasant earlier today. I rather saw red, I'm afraid. And it's none of my business about your eyes, and you're perfectly entitled to act however you want. So, I'm sorry." She holds out her hand. "Shake?" I stare at her hand. Alice kicks me under the table. I realise I'm going to have to shake her hand. I stand up - hey, she might be rude, and have a hair-trigger temper, but I am still a gentleman. I shake her hand. Her grip is firm, friendly, her gaze open. She does not comment on my hard skin, or my coldness. In fact, she doesn't so much as blink. Her large brown eyes are firm on my face, her tiny hand lost in mine, but still gripping. Her skin, I notice, is like porcelain, almost as pale as my own, but with spots of pink colour in her cheeks. She isn't wearing a scrap of make-up, unlike most of the girls in this school. I realise that I've been holding her hand far too long. I loosen a grip I didn't even know had been tightening, and she wriggles her fingers.

"Quite a grip you've got there, Jasper," she jokes, but there's a guard behind her eyes. She must have noticed my cold and hard skin, and she probably thinks I'm some kind of madman, what with the grip. She backs away. "I have to go," and go she does, slipping back to two girls, who are practically comatose, such is their shock. The ensuing conversation drifts back to us, as Emmett yanks me down into my seat.

"Bella, what are you thinking?"

"Jess, what are you talking about? We argued, I felt that I should apologise, and this I did. Why is everyone acting like I walked into the lions' den and did a Daniel?" Alice chokes, and Rose starts spluttering with laughter. This girl is cutting it so close to the wire with the guesses.

"Those are the Cullen children!"

"Oh? He said his name was Hale. And why should that bother me?"

"We don't talk to them."

"Why, did they take your lunch money in kindergarten?" she demands, somewhat impatiently.

"They moved here from Alaska last year. They're the adoptive kids of Doctor and Mrs Cullen. Mrs Cullen, like, can't have any kids or something, so they adopted a bunch of teenagers about five years ago. Dr. Cullen works with my father."

"OK, so they're adopted. You're saying that like there's something _wrong_ with it."

"Yeah, but they're all together, like, together together. Look, the blond pair and the dark girl are brother and sisters - the Hales. The one you spoke to was Jasper, and the girl is Rosalie. Now, Rosalie is with Emmett, the big dark haired guy. And the other two are Alice and Edward. Edward and Emmett are not blood brothers, but take the name Cullen. Alice is with Edward."

"So who's Jasper with?"

"Nobody. He's so _weird._ He looks like he's in pain all the time."

"OK, so you don't talk to them because…"

"They keep themselves to themselves. That's cool, because they're kinda creepy."

"Honey, I come from Phoenix, Arizona. Nothing is creepy any more."

"Anyway, isn't Jasper meant to be your lab partner in biology?" Angela chips in, seeing Jess is stunned into silence by Bella and her devil-may-care attitude. "What did you do to him yesterday?"

"What, that isn't his normal behaviour?"

"No."

"I didn't do anything to him. We had words about it. That's what I had to apologise about. We were really quite rude to each other."

"Oh, right."

"Hey, I don't suppose anyone knows what part of Texas he's from? My step-dad might know the family."

Emmett starts snorting and honking with laughter. I doubt her step-dad will know my family. And how does she know I'm from Texas?

"How'd you know he was from Texas?"

"I am from Arizona. His accent is Texas, I recognize it, it is somewhat similar to my own. Y'know, you find out an awful lot if you listen."

BPOVHe and his family leave the canteen slightly before the bell, the big dark one laughing his head off about something. I've already forgotten his name. I have biology again. Will he be there?

Yeah. He's there alright. Sitting right by the window, staring out of it. Eww. Rain. I take my seat right by him, and this time, he doesn't recoil. OK, this is a start. We've apologised for our conduct, and we might not be talking but -

"Hello," he goes, looking right at me. I gather my wits.

"Hi," I say back, surprised, and letting it show in my face and voice.

"How are you?"

"I'm good, I guess. And you?"

"I guess I'm good too." And because I can't think of anything else to say, and want to avoid the awkward "cool" situation, I shut up my big mouth. Because, I might say something stupid.

"It's raining," he says.

"I don't like rain."

Mr Banner shuts us up then, for which mercy I am thankful. He pays attention, facing the front, and we exchange no more forced pleasantry's.

JPOV

I asked her about the weather…

Somebody burn my brain.


	3. Chapter 3

BPOV

We were talking about the weather. I burrow my head into my pillow. What sort of a loser must he have thought me. In fairness, he started it, but I told him I didn't like rain. Nobody likes rain. Oh God. I'm never getting out of bed.

"Bells, you're going to be late for school." However, skipping school's kinda hard when your dad is Chief of Police. He makes sure you go to school. And I can't tell Charlie that I'm dreading and longing to be seeing him again.

"I'm up, Dad, I'm up." And up I am.

I go through the motions of the day. It's sunny, for once. And he isn't here. None of them are. Their table is empty.

"They aren't ever here when it's sunny. Whenever the weathers good, Dr and Mrs Cullen take them hiking and camping and stuff." Angela tells me, quietly.

"I don't think you'd believe me if I told you I wasn't looking for him?"

"No. Do you like him Bella?"

"Don't tell Jess. I don't know. There's something about him. Something I can't put my finger on. I think I do."

I go out after school. It's clouded up, but I barely notice. Charlie's garden backs onto the woods, and I go into the trees. The boy with the golden eyes, eyes that change inexplicably, whose voice makes me go like jelly, and whose grip hurt, and whose skin was icy cold and hard. Who - and what - is Jasper Whitlock or Hale, or whatever his name is?

I wander for ages. I don't notice it's getting dark, and turn around to start back. And that's when I realise it. I'm not on the path. I'm lost.

Crap. Double crap. Why couldn't I have paid attention? Goddamn Jasper. And I apologised to him! This is all his fault. Part of my mind knows I'm being irrational. It's hardly his fault I'm lost. But I'm lost because I was obsessing over him. I walk back in the direction I was coming from, before grinding to a halt. This is hopeless. I could be anywhere. I could have been going in circles for hours, I wouldn't have noticed. I don't know where I turned, when the path stopped being the path. I decide my best bet for now is to walk in a straight line. Sooner or later, I'll leave the trees, then I can work out where I am.

I haven't gone far when an horrific growling and snarling erupts. I open my mouth to scream, but no sound comes out. I see an opening, stagger towards it, and step into a clearing just as a massive grizzly erupts from my right. I wait for death, squeezing my eyes closed. Incredibly, the growls get no closer. I open one eye. Some white blur is fighting - _fighting_? What is wrong with me? It cannot _possibly _be fighting the bear - and I can barely track it. Suddenly, the white blur halts right at the bears neck, and bites.

I am going mad. This is mental. Mental. This cannot be happening. Oh my god, is he drinking from the bear? The white blur stands up. Holy. Shit. No way. Just no. What the hell? And then, out of nowhere, another figure appears beside the bear-drinker. I close my eyes, open them again. I have to be dreaming, right? Because this can't be real. Because the people in front of me are Emmett and Jasper. As in Emmett. And Jasper. From school. As in those guys. Who are meant to be hiking. Who are so obviously not human. No human can fight a grizzly. And no human is that fast. No human drinks blood.

"This is crazy," I say, out loud, right to them, and then turn around, meaning to head back into the trees. I'm finding some other way home.

They're right in front of me. Look, but I think I'm going to burst into tears any minute. This is way too much. What is wrong with this fucking town? How is this possible? Emmett is covered in blood and fur and his shirt is shredded and his hair is messy and Jasper looks plain wack, there's blood on his jeans and I'm frightened. So I do what any person would do in this situation. I start crying. Jasper look horrified. He takes a step towards me and I step back with a shriek.

"Don't touch me! God, what the hell!"

"Bella -"

"Just point me in the direction of home, please. I just want to go home. Charlie will be worried. Just tell where I should be walking. And then go, I beg you. I'm not sure how much more I can take."

"You need to go that way. Straight line, you'll come out in your garden."

"Thank you." I go round them, practically running.

"You won't tell -"

"Who would I tell?" I shriek, tears running down my face. "Who would ever believe me if I told? And how much of a mentalist would I sound? 'Oh hey, Charlie! You know those Cullen kids? Well, they drink blood from grizzly bears!' Yeah, that'll go down real well."

JPOV.

I think this is what is sometimes called a problem. This is bad. I look at Emmett when I'm sure she's out of earshot.

"Why couldn't you smell her? Why didn't you hear her? Why didn't you notice?"

"Oh, this is my fault now? She'd be dead if I had noticed her and got the hell out of there! That bear was big time mad, he would have gone straight for her!"

"If you didn't play with your food -"

"Well, I do. Damage is done. Come on, we need to tell Carlisle what's happened. Actually, no, wait." I turn back impatiently.

"Now what?"

"Well, you were hunting. Point of no control. But you saw Bella and you stopped. She is still alive. How the hell did you do that? It took a lot to stop myself going for her." I take one very deep breath.

"Because it was her."

We run through the doors not even centimetres apart. We call for Carlisle, and he appears in seconds, alarmed by the urgency in Emmett's voice.

"Bella saw me hunting."

"How could she possibly have seen you hunting?" he asks, impatiently.

"He brought a bear down in a clearing. She saw him. Neither of us noticed her until it was too late."

"Is she -?"

"No, Carlisle, she isn't dead. Nothing puts a stopper on bloodlust than the sight of Bella Swan gaping helplessly at you."

"Jasper?"

"It was her, Carlisle. I can't hurt her. Not today, not ever."

There is a family conference.

"She said she wouldn't tell. She pointed out that nobody would believe her even if she did."

"Regardless. We need to leave. Now."

"This time, I'm with Rosalie," Emmett says. "It would be for the best."

"I agree with Emmett. A human knows our secret, by law we must move on."

"Edward, do you really think that I am scared of the Volturi? Do you honestly think that I give a damn what they think? You can all do whatever you want. But I am staying in Forks."

"You mean you're staying with Bella."

"Rosalie, tell me something: why are you so against me finding my mate? Why are so against me falling in love?"

"She is human!"

"Newsflash, Rose: so was Emmett! When you found him, he was still human, but you fell in love with him."

"He was dying! He was going to be one of us within days!"

"Who says Bella won't be one of us?"

"Is that your intention?" Carlisle asks.

"She becomes one of us, if it is her choice. If she chooses otherwise - when her death comes Carlisle, my death will follow it closely. I don't intend to live very long without her."

"Well, that is that." Alice speaks for the first time. "And let me say Edward, I am disappointed in you! Asking your brother to move away from his mate. Bella will be here at dawn tomorrow. She'll have spent the night tossing and turning. She's figured most of it out, more or less, but has a lot of questions. We have to be here to answer them, or she'll spend the rest of her life looking for us."

"Is we leave, will she find us?"

"Yes. The day she dies, Bella Swan will find us."

"How old would she be?"

"Nineteen. If we leave, Bella Swan will find us, and die in a car accident the same day. It has gone too far, Carlisle. The future is in motion. We must be here tomorrow. They cannot be apart now."

"Then it's settled. We stay."

"Carlisle, there is something about her. She wasn't scared. She was upset, and confused, and there was a whole lot of shock in there. But she wasn't scared."

"What?"

"She met my eyes, she met Emmett's eyes, and she wasn't scared of us. She wasn't scared for her safety. There wasn't even a flicker of fear in all of it. Carlisle, there is something about her. No alarm bells rang when I shied away from her, no instinct warned her against calling me out. No reflex stopped her walking right up to us - all of us - and talking to me. She is like no human I have ever met before. She is bright and she is brave."

"Or foolish," Rosalie says. "We're all thinking it. I am saying it. She is either brave or foolish."

"Either way. We have to stay. Rose, if you can't handle that, you are free to go anytime." Esme is the one who passes the edict, sitting back in her chair. "Jasper, you are my son - even if I did not create you, even if you are, technically, older than me. I will always consider you my son. All I have ever wanted is to see you happy. If Isabella gives you that happiness, then we stay. And when we have to leave, I am all for the idea of her coming with us. Alice, she will be here tomorrow morning?"

"Dawn."

"She'll be hungry. I will go out, and buy food. If she becomes a permanent fixture, which I hope she does, she'll need to eat." Esme stands up. Clearly, the conference is over. As she leaves, she bends over my chair, and kisses me gently on the forehead. "I believe in you, Jasper," she murmurs quietly.

That was the first night I watched her sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

BPOV

I slept uneasily that night. I lied to Charlie, telling him I'd been at Angela's. He didn't make a fuss, just ordered pizza instead of letting me cook. I figure he was pleased I was making friends. I was restless, and more than once I woke up with the sensation of being watched. There was never anyone in my room. At five o clock, with light just about struggling through my curtains, I gave up. I got up, and took a shower as soon as Charlie left, pondering.

I knew one thing. I could guess at many.

The Cullen's were vampires, of a sort. Jasper Hale was one of them. His cold, hard skin, strength and eyes were all part of this. But what vampires could go out in daylight, and not have fangs? Because he definitely didn't have fangs. He'd smiled at me. No fangs. Were the incredible good looks of all the Cullen's all part of it? Was the pained and drawn expression on Jasper's face part of it? The mystery I had thought I wanted answers to, was now something I cared to know nothing about. But I know I'm too deep into it. I have to go and talk to them. I know that they may kill me.

JPOV

At her knock, I open the door immediately.

"They're all out. They'll be back whenever I call them." I hold up a mobile phone. "If you want them all here -"

"Is it true?"

"Depends what you're thinking."

"Please don't play games with me. Just don't."

"I apologise."

"Are you vampires? Although what kind of vampires, I don't know."

"Literature doesn't get much right. Yes, we are vampires. Yes, I am a vampire."

"Do you want to kill me? Living off animals, that cannot be normal vampire behaviour."

"Yes. I want to kill you. But you aren't afraid of me."

"Why be afraid? If you were going to suck my blood or whatever, you'd've done it by now."

"You can't know that."

"You wanted to the day we met. It all makes sense. You left because if you stayed, you'd have drained me dry. And I came after you, and you still didn't kill me. You would have done it by now."

"That's right."

"So if you are vampires, then what do you do? I mean, if you don't drink human blood -"

"We live off the blood of animals. It keeps us strong, and we live fine on it. But if we were to drink human blood, we would be stronger, faster, ten times more vicious - and we would be monsters. I don't want to be a killer, and Carlisle gave me another option. We all gave up human blood. We none of us want to be monsters. We can go out in the daylight, but not when it's sunny. It's why we aren't at school when the weather's good. We don't turn into bats, and we don't sleep in coffins. We don't sleep."

"What, never? You don't sleep?"

"No. We don't need to. We're never tired, never worn out."

"Your skin? When I shook your hand - you were so strong, so cold. And your skin didn't give like mine does." To show me, she pokes at her arm. Her flesh gives under her touch, but when she reaches out to my hand, mine does not.

"Technically, Bella, I am dead and all. Cold, hard skin. Rigor mortis. No blood flows, therefore no temperature. And I don't actually have to breathe."

"That makes sense. Why would a dead guy need oxygen?" There's a little silence, and she studies my face.

"Ask me any question, Bella."

"How old are you - in human years?"

"How old was I when I was changed?" She nods, her hands folded on the table between us. "I was almost 20. I was a major in the Confederate Army in Texas during the American civil war."

"Really? You're not joking? You were there at the American Civil War?"

"Yes."

"What year were you born?"

"1843." She works it out in her head, and her jaw drops.

"You're 167!"

"Carlisle is over three hundred."

"OK, now I'm creeped out. I have a crush on someone is 167 years old. And I just admitted it…" She buries her face in her hands, and I see the blush spread. "Forget I said that. You're 167 years old?"

"Yeah."

"You're looking good, Jasper." I laugh. I can't help it. She seems so utterly calm and lucid, despite the fact that she knows that at least part of me wants to suck her blood. "Why are you laughing at me?"

"You're so calm. You should be running like the wind. You shouldn't even be here. Some instinct should warn you that I am dangerous, a real threat. But you came after me that day, came after me to get me to apologise, right into a whole crowd of vampires, came after me to apologise for being rude, and now you're sitting here. Every bit of your brain should be telling you to run."

"My brain can take a hike. I'm not scared of you. If you were going to kill me, you'd've done it by now. God knows, I have given you plenty of chances. At one point there were five of you all surrounding me. Still alive. You won't kill me, Jasper."

We face each other down. She blinks, because she has to, but doesn't look away. I can hear her heart beating - slightly faster than it should be, her breathing uneven.

"What happens now?" she asks, quietly. "I assume humans aren't meant to know about this. Will you leave? Do I have to die now?"

"No. To both questions. We won't leave, and you don't have to die." I don't tell her that by law, she should die. I don't tell her that if the Volturi were to discover this, they would insist that she was either changed - or killed. Let her be ignorant of that fact for a while yet. Let her think that all this OK. "Do you want me to ask the others to come back? Carlisle is much better at explaining everything."

"I guess." But something else happens. Her anxiety at last shows through.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, why would you ask that?"

"Some vampires can have extra abilities. I can sense and manipulate the emotions of those around me. Alice can see the future. Edward can read minds. I ask if you are alright because I can feel anxiety."

"What if they don't like me?"

"You're going to be in a room with vampires, and you're worried they won't like you?" She shrugs, blushes.

"They might not."

"It'll be fine."

Carlisle helps her out more, with the technical side of things. He tells her about vampires in general, and that he didn't change me, I came to him. Bella doesn't press further into my past, but I know that if we stay together, I'll have to explain it all one day.

I take her up to my room.

"You have a lot of books," she comments, running her fingers very gently over their spines. "How many are here?"

"Around five hundred." She raises her eyebrows.

"Nice. I bet most of them are worth some kind of fortune, first editions, original bindings?"

"You know your stuff."

"My aunt, back in Phoenix, she had a rare book store. I helped her out. I got some really good…" Her voice trails off, and her eyes widen. "May I?" I nod, and she slides down a tome. "Is this a first edition?" I take a look at what she's holding. Moby Dick.

"Yeah, that was a birthday present."

"You got Moby Dick as your eighth birthday present?"

"I was a - I believe its called being a nerd these days."

"Jasper, this is incredible. If this is one of the first editions…is this the original binding?"

"Yeah." She puts it back on the shelf like she's handling spun glass.

"You know, if you're ever strapped for cash."

"Bella, Alice can see the future, we're never going to be strapped for cash." She smiles broadly.

She seems to like my room, and she seems comfortable enough around me.

"If you don't sleep, why the bed?"

"Keep up the image of humanity."

"Jasper, I have something to tell you. You don't exactly blend in, you're all too beautiful."

"Bella, I'm going to throw this out there, OK? I like you. I really like you, like fancy-you-like-mad like you."

She leaves later that day, saying she has to get back for Charlie. Edward pounces immediately.

"Your thoughts!" he cries, theatrically. "My brain is burning!"

"Fuck you," I say, heading for the stairs.

"With all seriousness…"

"Bloody hell, Edward, just get out of my head!" He drags me out of the house, and therefore out of earshot.

"She's not a vampire, Jasper. And she's a virgin. If you do -"

"Fuck?" I say, bluntly.

"Yes. If you have sex, she might get hurt. And if she bleeds…"

"Thank you, Edward, for once again pointing out the obvious. And it's fine. I doubt she'll want to be with me, I doubt we'll ever take it that far. I more than anyone, am aware of my limited self-control."

That night is the second night I watch her sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

BPOV

He's standing by Edward's car the next morning, talking to his - brothers, I suppose. They act like brothers, and so I decide that that is what they are. Alice and Rosalie are nowhere to be seen. As soon as he sees me, he comes over to me.

"Can we talk?" he asks. I nod, and open up my truck again. We climb in, and sit in silence for a while.

"So," I say, breaking it, "what's up?"

"Have you thought about what I said last night? About wanting to be with you?"

"Yes. I've thought about it. Look, Jasper, I like you. I want to be with you. But I need time. I need to sort all this out in my head, I need to work it all out. I mean, we like each other, but at the end of the day - you're dead. And I know you're walking and talking and for all I know, you do everything else a human does, with some exceptions. And I know that you haven't killed me yet but there's always going to be a part of you that thirsts for my blood. And I need to check how I feel about that."

"So you're saying you need time?" He's staring straight ahead.

"Jasper, look at me." He doesn't, and I know I won't be able to move him by force. So I wriggle across, straddle his lap, and take his face in my hands. He looks shocked, and he's looking at me now. "Give me a week, OK? It isn't every day I get told that the guy I like is a vampire, OK? Give me a week, and I will give you my answer."

When he doesn't speak, I take matters into my own hands. I kiss him, once, gently on the lips.

"I'm late for class. I'll see you later." I get out the truck, and he does too. I lock the door, and head for class. I pass Alice on the way. "Keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn't do anything silly."

APOV

The silly thing he does, that we all knew he'd do, is trash his room. Esme called us all home, and when we got there, books were everywhere, shelves smashed and windows broken. He himself was gone.

"He mumbled something about leaving. I called the Denali's. He's there, apparently. But he's off the scale angry, and they say he went hunting. Eleazar followed him. What the hell happened?"

"Bella told him she needed time."

"She what?"

"She told him she needed time. She said she didn't know what to think, or what to feel. She's got a point. She's been told that the guy she isn't even sure how she feels about is a vampire, that we're all vampires, and on top of that, she knows he has feelings for her. I'd need time too. Now they both need some time. Bella's going to be confused as it is. Leave her alone and -"

My phone vibrates, interrupting me. I don't recognise the number on the screen, but I pick it up anyway, and the voice I hear shocks us all.

"Alice Cullen? This is Bella Swan. May we speak?"

BPOV

She agrees to meet me, and I'm grateful for that.

"Alice, what's he gone and done?"

"How do you know he's done anything?"

"He's disappeared, none of the rest of you came back to class after lunch and I don't want to start on the expression on his face. I'm not an idiot, and I can be quite perceptive when I want to be. So, what's he done?"

"Trashed his room, but Esme will rebuild it, for when he gets back."

"Why?"

"Bella, there are things in Jasper's past which I cannot even begin to tell you about. Suffice it to say, he's got a temper on him. And he isn't so good at controlling that temper. He really does like you, Bella."

"He's angry because I turned him down?"

"No. He's angry with himself. He thinks that if he wasn't a vampire, you wouldn't have anything to think about. If he wasn't so scary, you'd be OK with him."

"I would be. But, face facts, he's a vampire, and part of him will want to leap on my neck and aim for my jugular. Alice, I do like him. But this is a lot to think about. I need some time to get my head around it, and I can't be in a relationship with him while I do that. I need him to stay away for a while."

"He's left Forks. He's staying with friends. I can't tell you where, I'm sorry." I sit quietly in silence for a while. "Bella, how did you get my phone number?"

"Hmmm? Oh, it was on Jasper's mobile."

"And you saw that…"

"When I was at your house yesterday. He got a text from you, and I saw the screen. Photographic memory. Comes in useful. I needed to talk to someone about everything, and I don't feel comfortable with the others yet. But I feel comfortable with you."

"We're going to be great friends."

"Jasper said you could see the future. So tell me Alice, what can you see in my future?"

"I can see us."

"That's all? You aren't going to tell me in what context? Or is this one of those times where, if I know the future, I might change it, by trying to bring it about?"

"Yes. Events have to unfold as they are, Bella. You can't influence them."

"Could you? If you wanted to?"

"Sometimes I will see events in enough time to alter them, yes. But often, I see things seconds before they happen. It depends on what I'm seeing, and if I'm looking for it."

"Would you see it, if he was in any danger?"

"Yes. If anything will directly affect our family, I will see it. I'm more tuned to them, I guess. I see them more clearly."

"Would you tell me?"

"Would you care?"

"No matter what."

"I would tell you."

"Good."

"Do you care about him?"

"Yes. I care about him, Alice. I care about him so much, it scares me. I barely know him, barely know anything about him, but I care. I need time because I don't understand how I can possibly feel this way about somebody who only told me his real surname yesterday."

"It's the same way he feels about you," Alice says, reaching out and taking my hands in hers.

"How do you know?"

"Edward. And because I know Jasper. Well, none of us know Jasper, he has many secrets. Bella, you should know that Jasper's self-control -"

"It isn't as good as everyone else's. He already told me. Didn't say why. That's another thing. I know nothing about him. He could be anyone, except he isn't."

"He can be an over-protective fool. He's reactionary, he has a hair-trigger temper, and being his enemy is a bad place to be."

"He isn't perfect? Alice, that's a _relief_. It's nice to know the perfect looks aren't the same in characteristics. How am I ever supposed to compete with any of you? How am I going to look standing next to him?"

"I think - I _know - _that you'll look perfect standing next to him."

"Alice, you know Edward can read minds? Can he read my mind?"

"No, he can't. And that's interesting, Bella. Because you shut out Edward, but I can still see your future. Jasper says he can feel your emotions, although I don't know if he can manipulate them yet."

"Well, what you and Jasper do isn't in my head, is it? And I like my privacy. I'm sort of glad he can't read my mind."

"He's coming back, Bella. I'm fairly certain he'll still want to know you." I smile. Alice reflects this smile.

"Can I ask you some general questions? Not about him, just about your life, in general?"

"Sure. Fire away."

"OK. So you guys're dead, right? What can't you do, that I could do?"

"We can't eat. Human food - it isn't poisonous, but we don't have a digestive system. We'd have to bring it right back up again. Blood just gets absorbed into the system - talk to Carlisle if you really want to understand the physics of that. We don't sleep. We don't need to, we're never tired. It's the reason behind - and I don't want to sound arrogant here - our intelligence. Unlimited time on your hands, you learn everything you can, to fill it up. Edward can play most musical instruments, speaks several languages and has a medical degree. I can dance professionally, I am a fashion graduate and design clothes - I designed Rosalie's wedding dress, and designed my own for when I married Edward - and speak several languages. Carlisle knows everything, can do anything. That's a given. He's over three hundred. Ask him some question, chances are he'll know the answer. Esme is an interior decorator, and architect. Emmett is a qualified scuba diving instructor and first aider. And he is the all time god of video games, and is into publishing them. Rosalie has two maths degrees and five fine art degrees. Jasper has History and Literature degrees coming out of his ears, and is qualified to teach both subjects and again, speaks several languages."

"OK, you're all super geniuses. Got it."

"We're really fast, and really strong. We have better eyesight than any human, and better hearing, sense of smell is vastly improved. It's part of the reason Jasper is so drawn to you. La tue cantante."

"What?"

"It means 'your singer'. You are Jasper's singer. The smell of your blood is like a calling. He wants your blood, he feels as though he needs it. You smell appealing to me, like most humans. But to Jasper, the smell of your blood is ten times stronger, ten times more appealing. Bella, with Jasper's history of self-control, you should be dead."

"I should have died in that classroom, the day he met me."

"Yes."

"I'm like his personal hell."

"Exactly. Every minute Jasper spends with you, he will be in pain. Bella, I should warn you that a relationship with Jasper would mean that you would never be safe again. Your life would be in constant danger."

"And if I was willing to take the risk? If I was prepared for that?"

"I would say you were crazy, and hopelessly in love."

"That frightens me, Alice. That frightens me beyond everything. How can I love him already?"

"Bella, it isn't me with the right to tell you the answer to that. That's for you and Jasper to work out."

"What do I do now?"

"What do you think?"

"I think I should call him. And I think I should tell him I want him back."


	6. Chapter 6

BPOV

I still left it a couple of days, until the yearning became so intense it became painful. I obtained his number from Alice, and I called him.

"Jasper speaking -"

"Jasper, it's Bella. I - I want you - I need you to come back. Please, Jasper."

"Tomorrow," he promises me, before putting the phone down quietly. We've said everything that we've had to say, somehow, in my admission that I need him here, and his promise of tomorrow. I'm guessing "tomorrow" means here at school. I don't know how to act, what to say, or what to do. I don't know what I'm going to say to him.

That night is the first good night's sleep I've had since - hell, since I first met Jasper Whitlock. Somehow, one single promise, a promise I wasn't even sure he'd keep, was enough to reassure me.

I don't know what to wear when I get up. I contemplate my one skirt, then the weather, and decide on my good jeans. Boot-cut, I wear them with my cowgirl boots, my pride and joy since I saved up by working the graveyard shift in the bookstore back in Phoenix for six months. I pick out a red shirt, button down. I look OK, I decide, but not like I tried too hard. I look at the clock. Time to go.

I park my truck right opposite the silver Volvo. It's coincidence, it's the only spot left by the time I get myself to school. I jump down, and slam the door behind me. I lock it up, and turn around. They're all right over there, and he's getting something out of the boot of Edward's car. It's his school bag, and he slings it over one shoulder and closes the boot with an unnecessary slam. He turns around, and our eyes meet. OK, I know that sounds corny. I do. But they did. Nothing slowed down though, and I certainly didn't run towards him, screaming his name. Alice came over, and I raised my eyebrows at her in a desperate plea. She pushed me towards him, as Emmett pushed him in my direction. I blush as we collide mid way. He catches me, steadies me, and doesn't let go. I couldn't care less, I put my arms around his waist, my head on his chest and his arms go around me. He buries his face in my hair, and lets out a long sigh.

"I'm sorry," I say, as quietly as I can.

"It's OK. But you know I'm never going to let you go, right?"

"That's OK."

It wasn't a huge reunion. But it got the rumour mills going. By lunchtime, everyone, including the staff, knew Jasper and I were dating. By the end of the day, I wasn't sure if I could keep going. Jasper wasn't any better, and I don't think he'd breathed whilst he was anywhere near me all day. But it wasn't over yet. He took me back to their house, and whilst his family gave us time alone under the pretence of needing to hunt, he invited me to ask him any questions. We sprawled on his bed, facing each other.

"Did you fight? In the Civil War, did you fight?"

"I joined the Confederate Army in 1860. I lied about my age and joined up, as I was tall enough to get away with it."

"You were only 17."

"Yes. But I was never much of a child. I wanted to do something good and proper, and the war gave me my cause. So I joined up. You know that I can alter the emotions of people around me. Even as a human, I was charismatic. I could make people listen to me, make them do what I wanted. It was noted by the officers. I was soon the youngest Major in the Confederate Army, not counting my real age."

"When exactly were you changed? Why? Were you dying?"

"Bella, I can't tell you the answers to those questions, not yet. All I can tell you is that I was not changed by Carlisle. I can't tell you about my past yet."

"One day, I'll have to know."

"I like that."

"Like what?" He reaches out and plays idly with a strand of my hair.

"The idea of one day."

JPOV

She laughs, but she doesn't contradict me. We lie in silence for a little while, and I drop my hand to her waist, letting it rest there. Suddenly she reaches out, and her little hand strokes my throat.

"What are you doing?"

"Are you in pain?" I don't lie to her, sensing she already knows the answer.

"Yes."

"That's because of me."

"Bella, you need to know that being here, being with me, it's dangerous for you."

"I know, Alice said."

"I want to kill you, you know that, right." I wait for the fear to hit me. It doesn't, and I feel a little rush of awe and love.

"I know that."

"My self-control isn't even close to the others. Every second of every day, part of me will want to kill you. Part of me will always hunger for your blood."

"Jasper, I know the risks. I know the issues and the problems. I know that part of you is always going to want to suck me dry. And I also know that part of you won't let that happen. I'm not a child, Jasper. I can handle myself."

And I believe her. I look into the eyes of a fragile, tiny human girl, and I believe that she can do this - I believe that she can handle herself and that I have the necessary control needed to stop myself killing her.

I know, in that instant, that I am crazy, but I still do nothing to stop me shooting for oblivion with her little hand lying on my throat, somehow soothing the horrible burn.

The next week is literal torture. The burn, no matter how often or how much I hunt, rips into full, flaring life the second she gets within a hundred yards. And we're, naturally, spending a lot of time a lot closer than that. She knows, and she worries, not for her safety, but for me and my pain. I'm starting to wonder if something is wired differently. It's hard for her. She's right at the centre of gossip and she hates the stares and whispers. On Wednesday, she has what comes very close to a stand-up fight with Lauren Mallory.

We were hand in hand, walking towards our table, to sit with my family, and Lauren whispered to Jessica.

"…thinks she's so superior, just because she's dating a _Cullen_… she's not even that good looking…and he always looks like he's got serious issues…" Bella didn't let her get any further. She slammed her tray down, missing Lauren's fingers by inches, and got in her face. Scary Bella was getting back out the box.

"You got some kind of problem, Lauren?" she asked, pure Southern sugar poured over cold hard steel. "Either with me, or with my man here, either way, you'll say it my face."

"Bitch, please. Just because you got yourself some arm candy, doesn't mean you've got to flaunt it."

"Ah, you mean because I got myself the man you wanted. You just can't take it."

"I don't need a Cullen guy on my arm to be someone, honey."

"I suppose your reputation would do it for you." Lauren's eyes flashed, and Bella smirked dangerously.

"I suppose you're in it for the money. Everyone knows you're here because Mummy was more interested in her new man than in you, so you came back to Daddy, all ready to be the good little social climbing bitch you really are."

"Say any of that to me ever again, Lauren, and I will rip out your eyes and shove them down your throat, are we clear? I'm with Jasper because I want to be, and I don't care about money. And if you ever accuse me of being after his money again, I will make your life living hell. You think a Southern girl can't fight?"

"Is that a threat?" Bella smiled, big, wide, mean.

"Hell, no. It's a promise, Lauren." There was silence. Emmett had moved up behind me by now.

"There an issue here, Bells?"

"Nothing I can't handle, Emmett."

But it shook her. She started to worry that that was what everyone thought of her - that she was in it for the sex, or the money, or whatever rumour did the rounds. I never saw her cry about it, not once. The closest she ever came to ever even acknowledging it was being said was when she called Lauren out, and when she got furiously angry and screamed about how much she hated everyone and everything. When I'd managed to calm her down enough to stop her yelling, she'd slammed out of the house and drove home alone.

BPOV

Temper collided with emotion on Friday. Boiling mad already after another barbed exchange with Lauren, I nearly bit Emmett's head off when he leaned casually against my locker after the final lesson of the day.

"Hey Bella."

"What the hell do you want?" I spat, before mollifying slightly. "Sorry. That was harsh."

"Fair play though. I could bury her in a shallow grave, if you like."

"Not quite mad enough for that yet, Emmett." Rosalie butted in, and I shoved my temper down impatiently.

"We've come to warn you."

"Guys, this isn't a horror movie," I say, putting books back into my locker, concentrating carefully. I know what this is going to be.

"Bella, Jasper is not safe! His self-control is poor, his history is both bloody and murderous, and he isn't good for you. He'll kill you Bella, no matter how well he's doing now. Sooner or later, Jasper will succumb to his thirst. Your death is inevitable. Leave him, before it's too late. Go back to your mother. Get away, before it's too late for you."

"Rosalie, have you ever considered that he struggles so much because nobody has any faith in him? That he struggles because he believes it is inevitable? It's a good thing I have a little faith in him, seeing as nobody else around here seems to. I don't think he'll kill me, Rosalie, and I doubt mere distance would protect me if he got it into his head that he did want to drain me dry."

"Bella, maybe Rose is right." I whip round, and meet Jasper's coal-black eyes. "I'm not safe. I'm not good for you." I wait a beat. Three vampires watch me quietly. The halls have emptied, students have gone to start their weekend. I look Jasper in the eyes. And then I bring my hand round across his face, and distinctly feel a bone crack. I cradle it to me, and glare around at the shocked faces.

"OK then, you aren't good for me. Fine. Then I won't stay with you. I know when I'm not wanted. Don't _touch _me! Just leave me the hell alone if you're so worried your precious control can't handle it!"

I spend that night in ER. Charlie sighed and drove me in, shaking his head. Carlisle saw me, and successfully banishing Charlie to the waiting room, and the treatment room door closed, I told him I hadn't fallen.

"I didn't suppose you had."

"I slapped Jasper round the face. He's harder than I thought," I say, dropping my voice.

"And why did you slap him?" Carlisle asks, winding the bandages around my hand.

"Because he read me another dumbass lecture about his goddamn self control, backing up Rosalie's warnings. I am sick of him treating me like I don't know what I'm doing."

"I know you know what you're doing. He's being over cautious."

"Carlisle, I get that he's got history. I get that he's killed people. But I know that. I'm not stupid, and he needs to stop treating me like I am. He needs to stop acting like a spoilt brat."

"Bella Swan, you are truly an amazing creature. You break your hand smacking a vampire across the face, and then sit there and call someone very dangerous a spoilt brat. For what it's worth, I will tell him he's being an idiot. You're all done here. I'll see you in a week to check it's healing properly, and then in a few weeks, we'll take the bandages off."

"Thanks, Carlisle."

"Bella, for what it's worth, he says it because he cares."

"Carlisle, he only needed to say it once. If I was that bothered, you think I'd still be hanging around him?"


	7. Chapter 7

CPOV

Not normally one to get angry, I am pretty mad now. I looked at Isabella Swan, and I saw a brave, strong, loving young woman. My son looked at Bella, and he saw a fragile, breakable object who needed to be handled with care. She understood exactly what she was doing, and she knew every risk involved with being with Jasper. I think Jasper needs to be thinking about his priorities.

I call a family meeting when I get home that night.

"I had Bella Swan in my ED this afternoon. She broke her hand, after she slapped a vampire around the face. Now, bearing in mind that I know most of it anyway, what the hell happened today? Rosalie, Jasper? I know you were both there, and I'm guessing Emmett was."

"I just told her to be careful. I just pointed out that Jasper has limited self-control, and that he could kill her."

"And I backed that up. Carlisle, I could snap at any time, we all know that. We all know that ultimately, Bella Swan is food, and part of my mind will always think that."

"Goddamnit, Jasper, will you snap out of it! Fine, great, you have a bad track record. She is still alive, if you hadn't noticed. She knows the risks, she isn't a child! She's a hell of a lot more intelligent than you give her any credit for!"

"That doesn't change the fact that she is fragile!"

"Fragile? Jasper, are you and I even looking at the same girl? I see a woman, a woman who is strong, and brave, and who cares so much about you, even if she doesn't know how much yet. I see a woman who would fight for you until her last breaths, and beyond them. I see a woman who you wouldn't kill in an eternity. I see the woman you love when I see her, and you need to wake up to that fact before she gives up on you. Every conversation you've had since you met her has involved the risks she's taking, the risk of death at your hands or whatever. No wonder she is sick of it. She wants to be with you, without you constantly droning on about how delicate you are. Now you decide if you want to be with her. Talk to her on Monday at school. And Rosalie, mind your own business. In fact, that means all of you. Bella will make all her own choices, and we cannot interfere with that. Alice, I can tell you're just burning to say something."

"Jasper, you need to tell Bella that you weren't a vegetarian before you met Carlisle. In the long run, the future looks better."

"In the long run?"

"It's time I told you something. Bella's future keeps blurring. I know it involves us, but it keeps sliding out of focus, sometimes disappearing. It could mean any number of things. That she leaves us, or we leave her for a time. Or that she becomes involved with something I can't see - and remember that all I have ever seen are vampires and humans. There may be creatures in the world that I cannot see - or, possibly, she does something I can't possibly anticipate."

"Or she dies."

"Yes, but if she is to die, and that is the reason for her blurry future, it will not be at your hand. I'd see that. In fact, I have seen that possibility. And it hasn't been even faintly possible since you got back from Alaska. Now, on Monday, she'll be pissed off, in pain and grumpy. You're going to pull her out of afternoon school, and spend it here, and you're going to tell her you used to live off human blood. Not why, not yet, but you'll tell her a slice of your past. That is how it must be. And that is how it is."

"Have you seen anything from the Volturi?" Jasper asks, quietly.

"You mean, have I seen anything involving Bella? No, nothing. They either don't know, or they don't care. Either way, they won't bother us."

EmmettPOV

I look at Jasper over the next couple of days. Really look. Hey, I'm not all brawn. I have my moments. Anyway, during my observations, I learn that he's on edge. Snappier, quicker to suspect, and definitely struggling with the old temper. Well, he and Bella have that in common. They can go be hair-trigger maniacs by themselves. I'm starting to get tired of putting myself between Jasper and Rose, because she can't keep her mouth shut and he can't handle himself.

By Sunday, when they've worn each other to a nub, trading insults, barbed comments, and venomous looks, I'm sick of it. This time, when Jasper lunges, I don't move. The crack as they collide echoes around the living room, and brings Carlisle from his study, Esme from the garden, and Alice and Edward downstairs. He's snarling, she's hissing, and his hands are wrapped around her throat.

"Emmett!" Esme cries, shocked to see me merely continuing with my computer game.

"No. I've had enough. I am sick of them fighting like idiots. If they want a physical fight, let them have at it. I am not getting in the way. Rose, you need to shut the hell up, and stop being such a bitch. Jazz, seriously, get a grip, and go get the girl. Have either of you stopped to think how much this bothers me, because I'm always the one who has to get in the fucking middle of it, because you're my brother, and you're my mate. No, you haven't. So you know what, I don't fucking care anymore. Do whatever you want. Go fight it out, I don't care. But don't ever put me in the position where I have to split up my own family. I don't want to do it. I am sick and tired of having to deal with it. Rosalie, we get it, you disapprove. Well guess what, nobody cares! We aren't revolving this around you, because it isn't about you. Jasper is in love with a human girl, and that isn't going to change any time soon. You have made your opinion clear, and that's the end of the matter. You don't have to like it. Jasper, control that temper, let go of Rosalie, and go and hunt and fight your food. In fact, I'll come with you. We'll spend the night up in Canada, we can be back for morning school. Let's go get some wolves."

"I'm sorry, Emmett. I know this isn't fair on you. But I -"

"I know. I'm pissed off, man, I won't lie. But she's being a bitch too, and frankly, there have been times when I get where you're coming from." He stares off into the distance. It's times like this, looking at him staring into the distance, that I know that I cannot even begin to understand the hell and turmoil that is the mind of Jasper Whitlock. Edward is the only one who knows even a percentage of it, outside the story we all know, and not even he understands what he sees. Jasper is an intensely private man, and can hold off his thoughts when Edward is around. I asked him why he did that once, a few years after he'd joined us. He regarded me thoughtfully, and his scrutiny made me uncomfortable.

"I hide it because it would drive a man insane. I hide it because it does not bear seeing. I hide it because if I do not hide it, it will consume me again. I do it to protect now."

He'd then walked off, leaving me amazed that he'd answered at all. And ever since then, I can get to him when not even Alice or Esme can. He trusts me.

"Jazz, what are you thinking?"

"About Bella. I never believed I would find anyone for me, Emmett, in the way that you have Rose, Alice has Edward and Carlisle has Esme. I never thought I would find a mate. I did not think I deserved one. And then she comes to me. An angel, carrying temptation in her arms. The woman I love, want to be with for eternity - and she is human, and is my singer. She is here, and I am so afraid of losing her, I push her away. With my past, Emmett, I am afraid. If she finds it out, will she walk away from me? Who could ever love a monster?"

"You aren't a monster, Jasper. It's all you knew. If you were a monster, you would never have thought of leaving, never would have wanted to leave. And she won't walk away, she's too far in. If she was going to leave, she'd've left the day she saw us hunting. She loves you enough to break her hand on you, I'd say keep her around. I think she'd make an awesome sister."

He didn't say anything more. We went home in the dark, and Jasper took his time in the bathroom the next morning, getting all leaves out of his hair, making sure it was just right, picking his best jeans…

"Whitlock, get your ass out that bathroom before I kick this effing door in," Alice shrieked. "I only have an hour to get you perfect!"

He let Alice mess about with him, and then let her bully him into driving to school on his motorbike. She'd maximised the bad-boy look, making him wear his leather jacket, cowboy boots and his tight jeans. Rosalie watched him roar away, and then turned to me.

"You need to get a leather jacket."

"Alice, why is he dressed like a rock star? He's meant to be apologising."

"She'll take that apology a lot better when faced with those jeans."

BPOV

I don't see him during morning school, but he's in none of my classes. I'm pissed off, in pain, and I'm upset. I am sick of hearing the same thing over and over. Then, when lunch rolls around, and my temper is at boiling point, he walks up to me in the canteen, and around 50% of the hearts in school break simultaneously. He yanks me out of my seat, and I raise one eyebrow at him.

"Can I help you, Jasper?" I say, as cooly as possibly, working hard on pushing flustered down and covering it with annoyance. My god, that hair, those jeans, those boots, that jacket. But I work on being annoyed, and scowl at him.

"I'm sorry."

"Pardon?"

"I am sorry. I should just let you do your thing, and I promise I'll stop talking about it." It's an apology everyone hears, and it's got a different meaning to everyone else. "I know you're good to take care of yourself, and I'm going to let you do that, if you'll forgive me." He looks at me, amber eyes burning a hole in my annoyance. "Forgive me, Bella," he whispers, just for me this time. "Please?"

I crumble like ryvita, and all but hurl myself into his arms. He kisses me with force and passion, lifting me off my feet. I fist my hands in his hair and kiss him right back.

"I'm still annoyed," I mumble, through kisses. I feel his smile, rather than see it.

"Sure you are."


	8. Chapter 8

BPOV

We go back to his house, and he opens the door, then sweeps me off my feet. I know he won't let me fall, but I put my hands around his neck anyway, playing idly with the curls I find there. He carries me to his room, puts me on his bed like I'll shatter any moment - like he's afraid I'm just a dream. He takes my bandaged hand in his, kisses the break, then kisses me again. He eases back with a sigh, his hands still tangled in my hair, dragging me closer.

"This is madness. I've never felt like this. My head says no, that this could be bad, but everything else- my heart, my body, everything thing else screams at me to hold onto you and never, ever let you go. Vampires don't - we shouldn't be indecisive, Bella, that's not right. You make me feel things I haven't felt in over one hundred years, things I haven't felt since before I died."

"We're going to have to define our terminology. You aren't dead - you have a consciousness, you're walking and talking and so on."

"The night my heart stopped beating then."

"That works." I simply sit and stare at him for a while, content for his hands to be holding mine, his eyes burning into mine.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just looking. Wondering if you're real. I keep expecting to wake up, back in Arizona, having never met you. Find out this is all some really fucked-up dream."

"It's not a dream. I can feel it too."

I lie there for a long time, watching him, watching his chest rise and fall, taking utterly unnecessary breaths, so used to acting human, that they are automatic now, simple things that he doesn't need to think about. His eyes are closed, but I know he's awake and hyper aware of everything around him.

"Jasper, I know what we need to do to make this easier on you."

"What do you mean?"

"You being close to me. You have to get used to the scent of my blood, and start turning out the instinct to kill me. We have to de-sensitise you."

"And how do we do that?"

"We spend time together, and I mean together, together. Close, like this, getting closer gradually. Eventually, you'll get used to the scent, used to me, and it maybe won't hurt so much."

"Bella, it will always hurt me. No matter how good I get, no matter how much control I get over the thirst, it will always burn like fire."

"Then we have to get rid of the scent. You're going to have to change me, one day."

JPOV

I roll over to face her, simply stare for a little bit. She says that like she's just announcing that one day, she'll have to go to the shop to buy milk. It's so casual, just a throwaway comment. But it means such a ridiculous amount, I feel compelled to make her see it.

"Bella, what you are asking of me is to kill you."

"No, I'm not asking you to kill me. I'm asking you to save me. If you love me, if Alice is right, if we are meant to be together forever, then I will have to become like you. I'm not going to get old and die while you stay like this forever. And when the day to change me comes, when it happens, I want you to be the one to do it. So it's imperative you can control yourself when you bite me."

"Bella, you say all this like - like it's _nothing_. Like your life means nothing."

"Jasper, do you want to be with me?"

"Yes."

"Forever?"

"Yes."

"Then we can have eternity. Don't you see? It is all I can give you. Literally the only thing. I give myself to you, for eternity." She picks up one of my hands, places it on her heart.

"You're handing over your _life_, Bella, at least think about that."

"Terminology," she murmurs. "No. I'm handing you my heart, giving the beats of it to you, but nothing else. I'll still be walking and talking and breathing." I grin at that, and immediately stop breathing. She smirks, and hits me lightly - with her unbroken hand.

"Alright, maybe not breathing all the time."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure."

"Then we don't have to make any decisions right now."

"But when I make it, you can't try and talk me out f it."

"Why would I want to talk myself out of you? I'm crazy, Bella, but I'm not that crazy."

"Good to know." She sighs suddenly, and cuddles in, and I lock my arms around her. She automatically puts her hand up to rest on my throat. It's becoming habit, and I like it. From past experience, I know that eventually, that hand will stray, to stroke the shell of my ear, to play with my hair. I like the absent-mindedness of it, the way she acts like I'm just human, and couldn't rip her hand off at the wrist in less than a second.

Her hand has just started wandering towards my hair when I stop her.

"Bella, wait. There's something I have to tell you."

"OK. You can tell me anything, you know that."

"This is different. This is about my past."

"I'm listening."

"Before I met Carlisle, I had a very different upbringing to my siblings. I was born - changed -, as you know, in the middle of the American Civil War. And I was created by Maria for a purpose. She wanted me to fight in her war, the Vampire Wars of the South. A hundred years ago, vampires fought for land, fought for the rights to hunt there."

"I'm guessing they weren't fighting over the elk."

"No. Vampire's fought over land for one thing, and that was so they could live off the humans on that land. The Southern Wars are the bloodiest fights on record in the vampire world. The Civil War covered the losses. There were already so many casualties - it wasn't hard to hide it. But Maria was different. This was the time of the newborn armies. I was created by Maria to hold her army together. You know I can sense and manipulate emotions. Maria needed me to keep the emotions of the newborns in check. A newborn vampire is a dangerous thing. All you can think about is the thirst, the craving for blood. I was not like the Cullens, Bella. I was a vampire in every sense of the word."

"You lived on human blood."

"Yes. I did. And that's why now, even after seventy years, I struggle with control. I did not have the grounding of the others. I was used to human blood."

"And animal blood isn't the same."

"No. Human blood is what we are meant to live on. Animal blood keeps us alive, but we are at our strongest and our best on a diet of human blood."

"Would that change anything about you?"

"Carlisle believes that it would make us monsters. I agree with him. I lost the lust, after nearly a century with Maria. I no longer wanted to kill. I desperately wanted there to be another way. Needed there to be another way. And so, one night, I decided to leave."

"There's more to that."

"Yes, but not today. I left Maria. She did not follow me. Occasionally, I hear from her. She writes."

"She knows where you are?"

"No. We have a mutual friend, a man named Andreas. She writes to him, he writes to me. Occasionally, she sends me a letter via him. I don't reply. I haven't seen her since I left. I found Alice, in a diner, in Philadelphia, maybe ten years after I left. She brought me to the Cullens, a family she had seen in her visions. Her eyes were golden. I had never seen such eyes, yet a vampire she clearly was. Carlisle explained the lifestyle to me. I took it up. Not without difficulty, but I won't give up." She is silent for a while. "I'd understand if -"

"Finish that sentence, and I will talk Emmett into punching you for me. I'm pretty sure he would. I'm not going anywhere, you are stuck with me. And you'd better start getting used to it."

"What did I do to deserve you?"

"You got born. I think that's pretty much enough. You just don't see it. You don't see how amazing you are."

"Shut up."

"Come on," say says, leaping off the bed and stumbling on the landing. I steady her before she falls. She blinks up at me. "You really need to warn me before you do the ninja shit."

"Why am I coming on?" Facepalm. She snorts with laughter, and twinkles.

"Because I'm hot. No, we are off to see Carlisle. He is here?"

"Yep, in his study. Wednesday is his day off."

She takes my hand when we get into the corridor. It's so coupley. I like it. She knocks on the study door, and I hear Carlisle's vaguely amused voice telling us to come in. of course, heard us coming.

"Bella, what can I do for you? And yes, Jasper, before you ask, you may borrow a book. He always takes my books, Bella. As if he didn't already have enough."

"I wanted to ask you something. I plan to be spending rather a lot of time with Jasper -"

"Good, maybe he'll read less."

"Well, if that's going to happen, he needs to be - shall we say desensitized? So I was wondering how you do it. I mean, working at the hospital, you must be exposed to blood regularly."

"Indeed."

"So, why doesn't it bother you?"

"Practice, and centuries of it."

"Yes, but _how_?" she persists.

"Exposure."

"So, we need to expose Jasper to it. Thanks, Carlisle. Come along, Jasper."

"Err, what are you doing?"

"Not much." She leads us both to the living room, picks up the control, and flips through channels. "Ah, this will do."

"Bella, I was watching the game!" Emmett protests. I forgot he had a free afternoon. She raps him on the head with the remote.

"Shh, Emmett, I'm busy." She's put a hospital programme on. Sun, Sea and A&E. She gestures to me. "Come here." she sits on the sofa, pats the seat beside her. I sit down obediently. She starts shoving me about, making me lie on my side against the back of the sofa and then bundles in beside me. My face is now situated on top of hers, cheek to cheek. I can hear her heartbeat. "There, this is nice," she says, contentedly.

"Bella, I'm dying to know," says Carlisle, trying to be solemn, but with a twinkle in his eyes, "what exactly are you doing?"

"Desensitizing Jasper. He spends time close to me, he therefore will spend time smelling my blood. Practice! If he can handle this for a period of half an hour - how long this show is on for - then we can start building on that. Eventually, he'll get used to it enough so we can actually start waving blood about. Face facts, one day, I am going to fall over and blood will be spilt. Hopefully, this will ensure he will be able to handle it. Everyone quiet. I like this show. Oh, look at that, you can see _bone_ in that!" Emmett gapes.

"You are mad. You are completely insane. That was positive relish. This poor guy has broken his leg and you can see actual bone, and you like that?"

"That is an impressive injury. Wonder how he did it?"

"Jasper, keep this one. I like her."

When the others get back, the programme is just finishing. Rosalie practically bares her teeth when she sees Bella snuggled against me. Suddenly, Bella shivers.

"Blimey, that was sudden. Somebody just walked over my grave. And you are bloody cold, Jasper." She sits up, and spies everyone. "Afternoon. Me and Jasper were watching injured people suffer. And I must go. Charlie's expecting me."

"I brought your truck," Alice pipes up. "It's in terrible condition. Rosalie could probably fix your transmission and that nasty engine sound." Rosalie makes a noise that suggests she'd rather set herself on fire than help Bella in any way, and vanishes upstairs. Emmett looks uncomfortable, and apologises to Bella before going after her. Bella, perhaps wisely, ignores the noise and the exit, and points accusingly at Alice.

"Alice, don't hate on the truck. It's perfectly adequate. Thank you for bringing it."

"I'll escort you," I say, jumping up.

"No, you won't, you'll stay here," Alice says, firmly. "I want to have a girl-to-girl conversation with Bella. Mainly about clothes."

"Be afraid," Emmett shouts from upstairs. Alice narrows her eyes and runs upstairs after him. There's a crash and a laugh, then Emmett's voice again. "Run, Bella, save yourself from the horrors of Alice and her clothes obsession - ow, Alice, that _hurt_." She reappears in the living room and tucks her arm through Bella's. "Can you drive with that hand?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Then off we go." She hustles Bella out, and Carlisle turns to me, once Bella is out of earshot.

"Are you feeling OK?"

"Yes. Yes, I am. I mean, it hurts, and I need to go hunt - but I don't feel like I want human blood. Does that make sense?"

"Yes. And it's good. Normally when you get this thirsty -"

"I know, I crave human blood. But now - I just want to hunt so we can do that again." Carlisle smiles and Edward grins knowingly, drifting to the piano and hitting some notes absently. He brings out my favourite, and I smile. "_Jaws _theme, nice one, Edward."

"Indeed. I might join you on that hunt, if you don't mind. I need to go." His eyes are almost black, and Carlisle's are losing their gold. He, above all, needs to keep his eyes one colour. People tend to notice him more.

"Carlisle, would you care to join us?"

"Certainly." Esme suddenly appears, and kisses my cheek.

"I knew you could," she murmurs, stepping back. "Carlisle, will you be going straight on from hunting to work?"

"Most likely." He crosses to her and kisses her. They still look at each other like it's the first time, so full of love and passion. I've never once seen him leave the house without her, and not kiss her. And it's the first thing he does when he gets home. I want that for Bella and I.

Edward finds himself a mountain lion, I find a bear. Carlisle goes for elk. We head back, separating so Carlisle can go to work. Alice is back, her eyes shining. I know that look, and she confirms it not seconds later.

"I get to take her shopping!"

**A/N: I know it's taken forever, I'm sorry! Please review, I love your feedback, and I will try and be better at updating!**


	9. Chapter 9

"You know, Bella, I am having my doubts about this."

"About what? About us all going swimming?"

"Not quite, Bella. I think that's a good idea, and I'm looking forward to it. I mean this desensitizing thing."

"But, Carlisle, it's going really well."

"I know, but maybe - maybe we should stop at this point for a little while. Maybe we shouldn't keep pushing it?"

"In what sense?"

"Well, you and Jasper have been spending an awful lot of time together. Like, every day for four weeks. He has to hunt every day, and it's making everyone nervous."

"So, what do you think we should do?"

"Lay off for a few days. Spend some time apart and keep contact to a minimum."

"OK. I will make you a promise. I will discuss this with Jasper. We will make a decision together. But we will do what we both think is the best thing for Jasper."

"That's fine. You got your towel?"

"Yep."

"Then we'd better get your bandages off."

BPOV

Jasper comes in half-way through Carlisle unwinding my bandages.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hey, gorgeous." He gives me a kiss, then starts watching Carlisle unwind my bandages. "Why's there an imprint on your skin?"

"Because my skin is soft, silly. Like how it gives under pressure, well, if pressure is applied for a long time, then the skin holds an impression of it for a while." I wriggle my fingers as Carlisle removes the last of the bandages, and sigh happily. "Feels good to be out of there."

"Well, don't slap vampires."

"Fair play." Carlisle slips out. "You all ready to go?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm ready. Edward and Alice are loading up the car, they'll be waiting." He's still staring at my hand.

"It doesn't hurt, you know that? Honestly."

"I know. But it's my fault -"

"Finish that sentence, I'll have Edward try and drown you. I know it won't work, but it'd make me feel better."

"But, I -"

"Get in the car."

Alice turns around from the front seat and beams.

"I can't believe we're actually going swimming. We should all do more stuff as a family."

"How come Rose isn't coming?"

"She says she doesn't like the smell of chlorine."

"I'm going to take a very wild guess here," I say, sarcastically. "And I'm guessing that Rosalie does not like me."

"No she likes you, she just -"

"You're a really terrible liar, Alice."

"Am I?"

"Yes, you are."

"Edward, your opinion in this matter is irrelevant. You can read my mind!"

"Ha, he can't read mine."

"Yeah, but I can do this," Jasper mumbles, sending out a fit of the giggles.

"God, how I despise you sometimes."

Carlisle and Esme seem to be having fun at the pool. They sneak off while Edward, Alice, Jasper and me are playing water volleyball while being on each others shoulders. We find them an hour later, snuggled up in the Jacuzzi. Alice and I coax the boys into trying out the water slides with us. Finally, we split up - Alice and I to the saunas, the boys to the wave machine.

"So, Bella, what are you planning to do with my brother?"

"I'm still deciding what I'm going to let him do to me," I say, laughing. "I read that in a book, I've been dying to use it in conversation."

"It's pretty good."

"Alice, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Carlisle was talking to me earlier. He thinks that Jasper and I should call this desensitizing thing off for a bit. That we shouldn't push it. I said I'd speak to Jasper about it. What should we do?"

"I think Carlisle may have a point. I mean, it's clearly working - you're still alive, and Jasper hasn't - well, you know."

"What leapt on me and tried to suck my blood?"

"Yes, yes exactly. Shall we relocate to the Jacuzzi."

"I don't know. He hasn't said he's uncomfortable. I know he must be. I know that. I just don't know what to do."

"Whatever you and Jasper decide is the best thing. You're the ones at the centre of this."

I leave it until we're back at the house, and I've showered the chlorine out of my hair before I talk to Jasper. I jump onto his bed, and immediately he holds his arms out.

"You're like a cuddly puppy," I say, and he chuckles.

"Only you could compare a vampire to a cuddly puppy."

"Well, you are. I'm all cuddled out. And we need to talk, and it's terribly distracting when you get cuddly."

"OK, then lets talk."

"It's about this desensitizing thing. I've been thinking. And I think we should call it for a while. Take a break. It's dangerous."

"Well, this is an interesting change of position. Why do you think that?"

"I know. And it's not me I'm worried about, it's you. All this time, I've been so obsessed with showing everyone that you can handle being in close proximity to me, I haven't thought about how much pain you're in."

"Isn't that kind of the point?"

"No, Jazz. The point is that you learn to control the thirst by suppressing the pain. The fact that you're in pain means that this isn't working."

"Bella, with all due respect, it is my self-control, and I am the one in pain. The fact that you're still alive means it is working. I get to decide when I can't handle it."

"You were right, this is an interesting change of position. At least I know how you felt while I was being obstinate about the whole danger thing. Look, I just think, maybe for a couple of days, we should not see each other. Maybe wait until Monday. I mean, at least this way the elk will get a break from being hunted relentlessly."

"Who told you?"

"Carlisle. Who do you think told me? That's how I know it's serious. Seriously, if we keep this up, there's going to be an elk population crisis."

"Actually, I'm not just going for elk, you know. I do like a bit of variety in my diet, like you change strawberry Pop-Tarts for chocolate sometimes." He holds his arms out again, smiling.

"You make it sound like I live entirely on Pop-Tarts," I protest, relenting at last, snuggling securely into his arms. "This is nice."

"Look, Bella, I'll compromise. We'll spend Sunday away from each other. I can have some guy time with Emmett and Edward, and you can do - well, whatever it is humans do these days."

"I'll go out with Alice. There, that is how much I love you, I am giving myself up to your sister, and I am going to let her take me shopping." There's an excited scream from downstairs, and the next thing I know, Jasper and I have an armful of Alice.

Sunday dawns, and before I know it, Alice is jumping into my bed, insisting that I get up, insisting that I get dressed, shower, eat breakfast and get in the car so we can leave.

"What the hell time is it?"

"Eight."

"Eight? Alice, piss off," I grumble, pulling the covers over my head.

"Aw, Bella, you _promised!" _

"Yeah, that we'd shop."

"Yes, and to do that, dedication is required."

"Port Angeles is less than half an hour away at the speed you drive. Get out."

"We aren't going to Port Angeles. We're going to Oregon."

"You are joking."

"I am not. Come on," she chirrups, whipping the covers off me. I whine in protest, curling up into a little ball. "Item one, new pyjamas." I sit up, rubbing sleep out of my eyes and squinting in the light.

"Charlie left me $20."

"Yes, and I have more or less unlimited funds."

"You aren't -"

"Very right, I am not. Jasper is."

"He isn't -"

"Yes he is. Come on, get a move on, or so help me, I will drag you from this bed and put you in the shower myself." As I know she both would and I could, I drag myself from bed into an ice cold shower to wake me up, blast the heat when the sleep has drained away, then haul myself downstairs wrapped in my towel. I shove bread in the toaster, pour a glass of apple juice, and then forage about in the fridge for the marmalade. "What are you going to wear today?" Alice asks, smiling at me. The toast pops, I butter it and slather on the marmalade. I don't answer until I've scarfed down the first slice.

"I don't know, Alice. Jeans and a tee. Feel free to chose which jeans and which tee, but if there is any variation on those specific instructions, I will choose my own outfit, and so help me, it will be my scruffiest clothing possible."

"Gotcha."

Miraculously, she sticks to the instructions, putting out my black jeans and green tee with the chemical slogan. I pull my Converse on, and ignore her protests about my ripped denim jacket. It's quarter to nine when we bundle into the car.

"I don't think I've seen this car before."

"It's Carlisle's Mercedes. The boys took Emmett's jeep, and I hate driving Edward's Volvo. He has a bloody gear-stick for God's sake."

"You don't have a car?"

"No, me and Jasper don't really need to buy them. I just haven't bothered. However, I am angling for a Porsche 911 for Christmas this year. Carlisle and Esme and Edward have promised to get it between them. Edward was going to, but I didn't want him to foot the bill."

"How much money do you guys have?" I gasp, calculating. "Sorry, that's none of my business."

"You're going to part of the family, Bella. Lets just say it's unlimited, and we're never going to run out."

"Part of the family?"

"Ask Jasper about the concept of mates at some point."

"I've heard the term mentioned."

"Yeah, but someone needs to explain. And it's not my place, so don't ask."

"OK, I'll ask Jasper later."

She has to wake me up when we get to Oregon. I open my eyes to a huge mall, all glittering glass and steel.

"Alice, this looks expensive," I mutter as we go inside, to be greeted by light music and fountains. "This looks very expensive." A smiling, smartly dressed woman approaches. "Can we leave now?"

"Mrs Masen," the woman says, smiling at Alice so widely she looks like she'll split her jaw. "We received your message, and everything is prepared for your visit. I am your personal shopper, my name is Maria. Would you care to follow me?"

"Certainly." I ignore my instincts - and I'm doing it so often now, that I barely even head my gut feeling - and follow Alice and the woman into a huge department store that makes up most of the glittering mall. We are shown into a private room, and offered drinks. Alice declines, and I take my lead from her, refusing a drink.

"So this is Isabella?"

"Yes, Maria, and as you can see, we need some dire help."

"Hey!" I protest. I am ignored.

"Mrs Masen, we will do whatever we can. I assure you that Addams Department Store never fails. What exactly do you require?"

"Complete outfitting. Money no object. One set of lingerie, one nightdress, one set of pyjamas, practical, warm yet girly and flattering, then two of everything: jeans, shirts, skirts, one dress, jumpers, shoes - you're a size four? Good - and I know exactly what jacket I want, I want the jacket I sent ahead for."

"All these things we can provide. And the jacket - Alison!" Maria exclaims clapping her hands. The girl who was frantically taking notes while Alice was reeling off everything jumps to, and slips out the room.

"Alice, can I have a private word?"

"Maria, give us a moment?"

"Certainly, madam. I will prepare the selections, simply come out, when you are ready."

"Alice, what the hell are you playing at? Why am I here? What is going on?"

"You said you'd come shopping with me."

"Yes, I said shopping, not redesigning my wardrobe!"

"This is how I shop, and again, you're going to have to get used to it as you're part of the family now."

"I have $20."

"You can buy us lunch. But Jasper gave me orders to use his payment card and his payment card only."

"I can buy "us" lunch? Alice, I don't think most restaurants will give me deer blood in a mug for you."

"Well, you can buy yourself lunch."

"And you can use the fake ID that I have no doubt you have on you, and you can buy me a bottle of wine later."

"OK, we have a deal. But you can't complain from now until we leave."

"I make absolutely no promises of that."

"At least make it a whisper."

"Fine."

Alice leads me outside almost as I am done talking, and Maria comes forward immediately.

"The jacket, madam, for your approval." The jacket puts me in the mood to be cooperative. It's gorgeous. It zips slightly diagonally, and there is a single breast pocket opposite the zip. It belts just before the hem, and has studding on the collar. And it's leather. I think I may be drooling. I do try and zone the hell out during most of the rest of the trip. The car is loaded with enough bags to sink a small yacht, and Alice puts me into it.

"Wait, wait, I want lunch. I want a burger."

"McDonalds or Burger King?"

"Oh, how sweet, you knew I wouldn't want to go somewhere posh."

"Quick. Turning."

"McDonalds. I want a Big Mac with extra gherkin and large fries."

"I'm sure that sounds lovely."

"It does, believe me."

I fall into bed when I get home, and Alice makes me promise to wear my new black jeans with the new red fitted shirt tomorrow, and put my jacket over it. I remind her that we are going to school, not a fashion runway, but she makes me promise anyway. So I do, and she goes away, and I push all the empty bags into the bottom of my wardrobe, and fall asleep face down, to dream of absolutely zilch.

A/N: Hope you like : ) Please review, I love them and you so much : )


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: OK. I don't want to start a size debate. But the major thing that pissed me off about the movie. All that girl ate was salad. Literally. It's not cool to just eat salad. I mean yeah, I'm all for a healthy diet. But for the love of God, eating a normal meal will not kill you. Chips, burgers, cookies, cake - THEY WON'T KILL YOU. OK? Do it. Do it now! It is seriously not cute to be so skinny you'd fit into one leg of my jeans. My rant is over, enjoy the chapter and please review**_!

BPOV

I lunch with Jasper the next day, even though eating with all of them together is a little creepy. They just stare. Every single mouthful I take, they just stare. Although Alice is mainly preoccupied today with messing with my hair.

"Alice, for the love of goodness, please leave my hair alone. I am trying very hard to eat my barbeque chicken wrap, and you are making it difficult for me." Lauren passes by before Alice can reply.

"Oh, _hey_, Bella. Oh, you're having a _wrap_. Do you know the fat and calorie content of those?"

"Do you know I can see your collar-bone? Seriously, Lauren. I am a size twelve. Maybe knocking on the door of fourteen, after the Christmas season. I am happy to be a size twelve. At least I look like I'm alive. Being able to count your ribs? That shit is not attractive. Eat a cheeseburger." She sniffs and passes on. Alice bends down and kisses me loudly on the mouth.

"Finally, somebody said it. Jeez, that girl always looks like someone shoved a Christian Louboutin up her ass.

"Bella, I like you just the way you are. Never change. Ever," Jasper says, smiling at me.

"I promise." I finish my wrap and start on my dessert. I've had better cookies. But this one will do. "Alice, what are you doing to my hair?"

"Would you like a hair cut?"

"Uh, I don't know. How much of a hair cut?"

"Maybe a bob."

"Jump off a cliff. You are not cutting my hair. I like it just the way it is. I let you take me shopping, be satisfied with that." I finish up my cookie. They're all still staring at me. "OK, guys, we need to talk about the staring thing."

"What about it?"

"You all watching me eat every day. It's scary. And it's weird. I feel like I'm in a zoo."

"it's just - you know. We can't do it. And it smells weird. We're just curious. Didn't realise it made you so uncomfortable, Bella."

"No, it's cool, Emmett, it just creeps me out. Hey, I have an idea."

"What is it?"

"Maybe I could watch you guys hunt some time." Jasper's hand flexes on mine, and Alice's hands jerk in my hair. "Ow, Alice, that _hurt_!"

"Sorry," she murmurs. However, she's saying it out of reflex, as opposed to actually meaning it- I can tell by the murmur.

"Bella, have you completely lost your mind? Of course you can't watch us hunt! Do you _want _to die? My God, that is utter insanity."

"Excuse me, Jasper, but I merely asked a civil question. If you're just going to be vicious about it -"

"Bella, honey, that isn't what he meant. It would be extremely dangerous for you to be anywhere near us when we hunt. We lose all control."

"And this is hardly the place for this conversation," Emmett announces, cutting Edward off. Come back to our place after school. Rosalie tuts at this, and gets up and walks away. I watch her go, but ignore it. What do I care if she doesn't like me?

The thing is - I can't not care. I don't understand why she doesn't like me. I mean, I get why Lauren doesn't like me, she's so far up her own ass she's coming out her mouth, but as far as I know I haven't done anything to Rosalie to make her hate me so much. I mean, I haven't tried to get off with Emmett, I haven't taken anything that belongs to her. I'd understand if she'd caught me wrestling buck naked with Emmett and then had wild sex with him - but I haven't. Ergo - what have I done to make her despise this much? I'll have to ask later.

I get left in the tender care of Emmett and Jasper later. They've all explained why it'd be silly-dangerous for me to be anywhere nearby while they hunt. I put my head in Jasper's lap and my feet in Emmett's. It's comfortable like this. I've been feeling far too hot all day, and it feels nice to rest my head and feet on something cool.

"Emmett, why doesn't Rosalie like me?"

"Bella, it's not so much as she doesn't like you. She's jealous of you. And a little mad at you."

"But - but why?"

"That's something you need to ask Rosalie. But remember that she does like you, but she has to work some stuff out first." Jasper puts his hand on my forehead, and then frowns down at me.

"Bella, you feel awfully hot."

"Yeah, I've been feeling a bit shaky today," I say, shrugging.

"I'll go get Carlisle. Just to get him to take a quick look at you."

"Oh, I'll be OK, it's probably just flu."

"Yeah, but better safe than sorry. Emmett, keep her cool." Before I can protest, Emmett has gathered me up into his arms.

"He's right, Bella. You do feel hotter than normal."

"It's probably nothing."

JPOV

Carlisle takes her into his office. I insist on going with them. He shines a little light into her eyes, and she seems to be resistant to it, trying to turn her head.

"Bella, how long have you had this sensitivity thing?"

"Just now, when you started shining lights in my eyes."

"Hmm. How's your neck feeling?"

"Fine."

"Joints?"

"My hip's a little stiff. Has been for a while."

"OK, can you take your jumper off?" She does so, and he examines her arms. There's a faint purplish rash on the inside of her elbow. "OK, Bella, stay here a minute. I'll be right back." He takes me outside.

"Jasper, call an ambulance. Now."

"What?"

"I think it's meningitis. She doesn't like the light, stiffness in joints, and that rash is worrying. I want her in a hospital, I need tests done. If it is, this could be serious."

"Carlisle, could she die?" I whisper, barely able to put it into words.

"I don't know."

"Why didn't Alice see?"

"She doesn't see everything, Jasper. She'll be a stranger to illness, perhaps it's a hole in her vision. You can't blame her for this. Bella can't afford to waste time."

The voice on the other end is irritatingly calm.

"Which service do you require?"

"An ambulance."

"What's your emergency?"

"Suspect meningitis. Dr Cullen's home, 1 Forks Road."

"We'll be on our way. Remain calm."

"Thank you."

They wrap her in blankets, and Esme calls Charlie. I take the keys to Edward's Volvo, and drive myself there. Carlisle has gone in the ambulance with her, and is keeping close watch on her. But that doesn't stop me ripping down the roads at top speeds, and screaming to a halt in the car park. I follow her scent to the ER and watch while they stick all sorts of needles in her. She hates needles. I have to stand there and watch because Carlisle won't let me in. It's hell. Alice catches up with me, and slides her arm around my waist.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I didn't see it."

"It's not your fault, Alice."

"I can't see how this will end, Jasper. I've tried, and I can't. I'm sorry, I wish that I could give you something, but I can't."

"It's OK."

"Jasper," Carlisle says, softly. "She wants to see you."

"Hey, baby," I say, taking her into my arms, carefully avoiding her drip.

"I'm scared, Jasper," she says, quietly. "Carlisle confirmed it. They're already giving me antibiotics. But they want to put me into a medical coma. They say it'll help my body fight it."

"Don't be scared. You have to be brave now. You have to fight it."

"I don't know if I can."

"Yes you can. You're the girl who slapped in the face and in the process broke your hand. You can beat this."

"OK," she whispers. Charlie explodes through the doors, and I have to go.

The next four days are the most terrifying of my life.


	11. Chapter 11

Charlie barely even seems to notice that I don't leave the hospital over the next few days. He's there every hour, sitting by her, except when he's bullied into going home by Renee, who came as soon as she was called. I sit with her every night, when all visitors have supposedly gone home. I hide under her bed when the night-nurse does the three-hourly check on blood pressure, temperature, heart-rate and checks her fluids. All I can do is listen to her heart-beat, not the one coming from the beeping machines, but the one I can hear going steady inside her. Inwardly, I make plans for what happens afterwards. If she dies now, I will follow her. I can't live without her. Everything I know now is tied onto that heartbeat.

She'd laugh at that, I think, holding her hand. She'd tell me not to be so silly, that the world would keep right on turning. That she isn't the only thing that matters in my life. Yes. She would laugh. Carlisle comes in, silently, to check the machines that are now keeping her alive. The downward spiral came very quickly.

"You shouldn't be here, you know."

"I know."

"She's no worse. Stable."

"What am I going to do if she dies, Carlisle? Just let it happen?"

"You cannot change her."

"I never -"

"But you thought it. I will not do it, Jasper. She needs to make her choice about that."

"She told me. Just a few weeks after we met - after she broke her hand on my face - that in order for us to truly be together, I'd have to change her. She said 'I'm not going to get old and die while you stay like this forever. And when the day to change me comes, when it happens, I want you to be the one to do it.' She told me that, word for word."

"We can't. One day didn't mean a month after you'd met. You know that."

"I do."

"Stable," he says again, marking it on the chart. "It's a good sign."

"I know." He puts a hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. "Can she hear me?"

"Possibly." He slips out, and I push a lock of hair away from her forehead. She's so pale. She's lost weight - not enough to be visible to a human yet, but I can tell. I put my head next to hers on the pillow, and whisper.

"Bella, you have to be OK. Please."

Finally persuaded by Alice to come home, before somebody notices that I haven't exactly been acting human, I go up to my room. My sheets still smell of her - the conditioner and deodorant she uses, and that smell that's so totally Bella. It's been four days, the longest of my life. Suddenly, the phone downstairs rings. The sound is like a knife through my skull. And I instantly know it's bad news. Alice answers, and I can hear the conversation.

"Hello? Carlisle?"

"It's Bella. Her parents have been spoken to. They have made the decision to turn off Bella's ventilator. They feel, having been told that she stands little chance of recovery, that it would only be cruel to keep her artificially alive. It was such a bad case and she went downhill so fast - the machines are her life now. They don't want her to be alive like that."

"Carlisle, I -"

"I know."

She replaces the phone with a quiet click. She's standing beside me in a moment. When did I hit the floor, I wonder.

"Jasper," she whispers, gathering me into her arms. "Jasper, I can't see her anymore."

I know what she means. Bella is going to die.


	12. Chapter 12

JPOV

"I know what you're planning, Jasper. I've already thought about it. She's too weak to cope with the transformation."

"What about Edward? He was ill."

"He wasn't being kept alive by machines."

"Emmett -"

"Jasper, none of the others were that ill! Believe me, I have thought about it."

"Then there is nothing for me to stay for."

"Please don't do this , Jasper."

"If you were going to lose Esme, what would you do?"

"You know very well."

"Then there's nothing for me to stay for." Carlisle is silent for a very long time. "Sometimes people get better. You read about it, people live after they've had their ventilators turned off."

"That's the rarity, the miracle. It's rarer than you think."

He goes back to the hospital that day. The phone will ring any moment, and he will tell me that she's died. I'm packing a rucksack when Alice comes in.

"I know where you're going."

"Isn't that a surprise."

"The Volturi won't kill you, Jasper, you should know it."

"I'm not going to them."

"No, you're going to make them come to you. I have seen what you will do, and I beg you, please don't. It isn't who you are."

"She is dead, Alice. My reason for existing has literally been taken away. She's dead, and I will have to face every single unending _torturous _day alone for all eternity with no hope. Before, I could at least know that one day I was going to find the woman who would complete me."

"She isn't dead."

"But she will be."

"She might live -"

"You don't believe that. The future is certain."

"Nothing is ever truly certain -"

"Your visions are."

"I'm not infallible, there are holes in my vision, you know that perhaps better than anyone."

"Alice, you know you can't change my mind."

"I have to know that I at least tried."

"I know."

"At least stay until we know. At least until it is certain."

"You already know I will."

I go up to the hospital, and watch her parents turn off her ventilator. I don't know how they can give up. Charlie spots me standing at the door, and comes out.

"You know Bella from school?"

"Yes, I'm a friend."

"I've seen you around here a lot."

"Yes."

"If you want to say goodbye - take all the time you want. I've already said all my goodbyes."

"I'm so sorry, Mr Swan."

"The hardest thing you can ever ask a parent to do is bury their child. That's not right, and I hope that it's not something you ever have to face." I say nothing. There is nothing I can say to him. Renee slips past me without even noticing me, a sodden tissue clutched in her hand, and eyes swollen and red with crying. There's no beeping now, the room is silent. There's no more horrible tubes going in and out, just one IV in her arm. I read books, and they say the people just look like they're sleeping. But Bella looks so pale and still, with dark circles under her arms. The rash is livid purple on her skin, darker than it was. She's lost weight, and she's never looked this fragile. I take her hand in mine, but it's cold. She isn't warm like she used to be. She's still soft, and I'm thankful for that. I stroke her cheek with a fingertip, and it still gives under my touch. She used to giggle when I did that, before catching my hand and kissing the finger. Then she'd kiss me on the mouth, and she wouldn't shy away from a cold hand that might slip just under the hem of her shirt. She was always so warm.

"Let me prop you up a bit. You don't like sleeping flat." I rearrange her pillows, smooth her hair down. "There, you can be a little more comfortable. When was the last time somebody brushed your hair? You wouldn't like that." I watch her face, hoping for one little flicker. "You can't do this to me, Bella. Without you, I don't have any hope. At least before I had hope that I'd found you. You've become my world so quickly. There's only one chance for a vampire to find his soul mate. I found you, and I wouldn't change these months for the world. I suppose I'm just greedy. I need more time with you, Bella. I was planning on eternity. You liked it when I held your hand. I'll hold your hand. I hope you aren't scared, Bella. I don't think dying is anything to really be afraid of. Carlisle says you aren't in any pain and I hope he's right. Wait for me, won't you, wherever is coming next. I won't keep you waiting long. It'll only be a few days. Less, if everything goes to plan. I've had it planned for a while now. What I'd do if you died, and I couldn't save you." I look down at her, then rest my head gently on her chest. "You have a heartbeat," I murmur. "I love your heartbeat." I pause, and think about it for a moment. "You have a heartbeat. You're brain-dead, but you have a heartbeat. Bella, hold on. I can do this. I can save you."

I carry her away that moment. Nobody will see us, Carlisle will cover it. I don't let myself think about how her parents will take it. But perhaps they won't know. Fill her coffin with a few stones, have a closed-casket ceremony. Nobody will know. If she has a heartbeat, then I can try. It's all I need, the venom will fix the rest of the damage. Alice will see, but what do I care? If this is the only way, then this is what I will do. By the banks of a silent stream, I hold her in my arms, brushing the hair from her face. But I hesitate, looking down into her face. So fragile, I muse. I hope the venom makes her back to how she was. I remember the conversation we had about changing her. She'd been so calm.

"_You're going to have to change me, one day."_

_"Bella, what you are asking of me is to kill you."_

_"No, I'm not asking you to kill me. I'm asking you to save me. If you love me, if Alice is right, if we are meant to be together forever, then I will have to become like you. I'm not going to get old and die while you stay like this forever. And when the day to change me comes, when it happens, I want you to be the one to do it. So it's imperative you can control yourself when you bite me."_

_"Bella, you say all this like - like it's nothing. Like your life means nothing."_

_"Jasper, do you want to be with me?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Forever?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Then we can have eternity. Don't you see? It is all I can give you. Literally the only thing. I give myself to you, for eternity."_

I take a deep breath. She wanted this. It's the only comfort I have as I take her life and my self-control into my hands, and bite into her neck.

It's hot and sweet and wet, and tastes so, so good. I lick across the wound before it consumes me, do her wrists too. I lay her down as gently as I can, drag a hand across my mouth. When I take it away, it's streaked red with blood. I lurch down towards the stream, wash my face, scrubbing fiercely to be rid of that delicious nectar. I have never tasted blood so sweetly delicious. My mobile rings, but I ignore it, rising my mouth. When I spit, it's tinged with streaks of her blood. I think I got it all. I slump down, gasping for every breath that isn't needed. I did it. I did it.

"Jasper, what have you done?" It's Carlisle on the phone.

"What needed to be done?"

"You've bitten her, haven't you?"

"Yes. There was a heartbeat, Carlisle. That's all you need. I bit her. And she's alive, Carlisle. Her heart is beating, and the change is beginning."

"Where are you?"

"I'm not going to tell you that. I wanted - I want this to be private, Carlisle, just us."

"I've covered it up for you. Please never put me through that again."

"Thank you."

"Call me. If you need any help. Call me."

"I will."

"And Jasper?"

"Carlisle?"

"I am proud of you."

CPOV

I hang up the phone with a quiet click. Alice looks up at me anxiously, Esme behind her.

"I can find him, I saw where they were going -"

"No. Nobody goes to them. Leave them."

"Do you think she'll survive it?"

"I don't know. Jasper loves her enough to try, that's what matters. I don't know if she's strong enough, but we can only hope."

"So we just wait."

"We wait, and you watch the future, Alice."

"It hasn't been decided yet. It is still uncertain. It's never been this way before."

"Everything has been uncertain. We can only pray."

For my son, I hope she survives. I hope she comes through the transformation, and that she and my son find their happiness together. His happiness has been an awfully long time coming, and I pray it isn't snatched away from him. I pray she survives.


	13. Chapter 13

JPOV

I don't leave her on the banks of that river. That's not how I want it to be for her. I take her to the house in Vermont. It's isolated and lonely, and nobody will disturb us. If she doesn't live through this, I want us to be alone together while I deal with that. It was a situation. If I didn't change her, she was going to die. That was fact, she was going to die. But changing her - or trying to - means there is a chance she will live, regardless of how small that chance is. This way, there is a chance.

She's very still and silent. I know she's still alive, I can still hear a heartbeat. Maybe I didn't do it right. Oh God, what if I did it wrong, and she's suffering? What if I did it wrong and it won't work? I need Carlisle, I think desperately. I need him here.

"Carlisle?"

"Jasper, what is it?" I hear five separate thuds, and five sets of feet speeding towards Carlisle. "Is everything OK?"

"I don't know. I don't know."

"Tell me what's wrong."

"She's not moving. She's not making any noise. I can hear her heartbeat, she's still alive, but I swear she looks more sick now."

"Do you need me?"

"Yes," I whisper. "I need you here. Just you. Not the others. Just you."

"Alright, then I'm coming. Where are you?"

"Vermont."

"I'll be with you by dark."

CPOV

"Let me come with you," Alice demands, her voice shrill with fear. "Let me go with you."

"He said me. He said I was to come alone, and I will."

"Why alone?"

"Because he is scared he's got it wrong. He won't face you all if he thinks that, as you should all know. I'm going alone, but I won't be gone long. Vampire transformations never last longer than three days, and it's already been two. I will call if he wants you there. Meanwhile, just stay here. And get ready."

"Ready for what?"

"Everybody thinks that Bella is dead. We won't be coming back here."

"Where to this time?"

"We'll go to Ireland. The house in Ireland, it's been, what, two hundred years since we were there."

"Ninety, Emmett and I spent a holiday there, but we weren't involved with the town. Nobody will know us."

"We shall be ready. We'll meet you there?"

"Yes."

"Bring him home, Carlisle," Esme murmurs, coming over to me. She looks up at me, and I can tell she will cry. "Bring my son home, bring Bella home. Bring them home."

"I will, if I can. You should know more than to ask for my promise?"

"I should, but I have faith in him."

JPOV

The sun is setting over the western horizon, and he's knocking quietly at the door. I let him in straight away, and take him into Bella. He examines her gently, and turns with a smile.

"I think she's fine. The heartbeat isn't strong, but Edward's was quite bad too. Remember the venom has to heal her mind too. She may not even be feeling anything, which might explain the lack of noise and movement."

"You think?"

"This is hardly a science, Jasper, it's different for everyone. Esme's transformation took three full days, to the hour; Emmett was only changing for a day and a half. I'll monitor her heartbeat. If it helps, I've never heard of a transformation failing."

"I could have drained her dry. On the banks of that river, I faced every demon I've ever had. And she tasted so good. I've never tasted blood like that. And I could have just carried on. I wanted to. All I wanted was to drink and drink. Does that make me a monster?"

"No, because you stopped. That makes you strong."

"Carlisle, I could have killed her."

"Your eyes aren't red. Not even a little bit. You didn't take anything from her, and I don't think you swallowed any. Everybody struggles when they do this."

"Did you?"

"Yes. Edward was the hardest. I was so doubtful. I'd tasted human blood only once before. My only kill."

"You never told me that."

"I'm not proud of it, Jasper. I killed a man once. He'd done nothing, but he was there, and I lost control. When I bit Edward, to change him, I remembered that taste. And I struggled. I liked the taste of the blood, Jasper. Show me a vampire who doesn't. And wanting it, _craving_ it after tasting it, that's not a bad thing. That makes you normal. Do you need me to stay?"

"Yes. I thought I could do this alone, but I can't."

"As long as you need me."

"What did Bella's parents - do they know she's gone?"

"Luckily for you, Jasper, no. They asked a local funeral parlour to arrange for the body to be collected. I offered to help, and did what was appropriate. Luckily. They wanted a closed casket. You could have at least warned me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think. I was just so desperate for there to be something I could do, _anything _I could do, I just took her. I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I hadn't tried."

EdwardPOV

Alice is ruffled. She's going frantic, I can tell by the way she's meticulously helping Esme pack everything.

"Alice, he'll call when there's news."

"Christ, I can't see, I don't understand why I can't see this outcome."

"Maybe we aren't meant to know."

"Like fate? Like there's some higher power interfering?"

"Maybe."

"Do you really believe that, or are you just trying to make me feel better?"

"I don't know. I do think we're only meant to know some things. Other things we need to take a chance on, and I think this is one of those times when we should just have faith. I believe in Jasper."

"Do you think there's a God, Edward? Do you think there's something waiting for us when we die, or do you think we just stop, like sand running out of an hourglass?"

"I think there's something. I think there's another power, I don't think we just stop. If Bella dies, and Jasper chooses to follow her, I know they'll see each other again."

"I wish I had your faith, Edward, I really do, but I cannot see them both surviving this. I am afraid for him. He wont survive if she dies."

CPOV

It's a tense twenty-four hours. Bella's heart rate is increasing in speed, but she's not moving at all. She's still and silent and to all outward appearances - dead. But I'm confident now, more confident than I was when I arrived. She's starting to change, and the rash has disappeared. I can't help but think, however, that Bella will be no ordinary vampire. There will be something extraordinary about her.

Jasper hasn't left Bella's side all day. His eyes are trained on her face, and she's still unmoving. He slips his hand into hers, and strokes his thumb across her palm, something I saw him do a hundred times before. She used to turn her hand over and catch at his fingers, tangling their hands together. They fitted together so well - he could close his hand over hers, and she was just the right height to rest her head on his chest when they hugged. It's sudden and tiny, but suddenly there is movement. Bella's heartbeat takes off like a helicopter, and her hand tightens on Jasper's. I'm bending over her instantly, and Jasper's holding her hand tighter than ever before.

"Step back now, Jasper. We don't know how she'll be." It's clearly the hardest thing he's ever had to do. But he does take a step away, although not as far as I would have liked. We listen to the final beats of Bella's heart, fluttering like a hummingbird. When it stops, there is a deep silence. For three dreadfully long seconds, there is no movement from Bella. There's no sign, no movement. But suddenly, so quickly and so rapidly it could be missed, she takes a breath - and a sound like a hummingbird fills the room. It's her heartbeat.

It's Bella's heartbeat.


	14. Chapter 14

CPOV

For a full minute, neither Jasper nor I can move. She's still breathing, her heartbeat still humming rapidly. Jasper leaps forward first, bending over Bella, stroking her hair back off her face.

"Bella, can you hear me? Bella?" Her eyes flutter open, and I shove Jasper impatiently to one side. Her eyes are the same deep brown they always were, but her skin has changed.

"Jasper, pull the curtains." He does so, and the sunlight pours in. Where he and I sparkle, she just glows. It's subtle enough for her to go out in the sun and not attract undue attention. She hasn't changed even slightly in appearance, apart from looking much healthier.

"Jasper," she murmurs, and he's back beside her immediately. "Jasper," she says again, smiling.

"I'm here, Bella. I'm here."

"I feel - I feel different."

"How do you feel, Bella?"

"Carlisle?"

"Yes. Do you feel OK?"

"Fine. Better than ever."

"Sit up for me." She does so, and lets me examine her. She's staring at Jasper like she's never really looked at him. "You seem fine."

"So what happened? Why didn't she change?"

"She has. You aren't human any more. I don't know quite what you are, but you aren't human. Your hearing and eyesight seem to have improved."

"So, what am I?"

"Venturing a guess - half vampire and half human. You still have a heartbeat, albeit very quick, but your skin has changed, obviously you're healed. You're a totally new species. I have no idea how you're going to be effected. I think in this case that time will tell."

"She doesn't smell any more. I mean, of the blood. I can't smell that anymore. No, that isn't right. I can smell it - but she smells -"

"Like a vampire would, yes. Well, from my medical point of view - and you aren't getting a doctor with more experience - you're fit to travel."

"Travel?"

"Jasper, perhaps you should tell Bella."

"Bella, your parents think you're dead. You were, you were brain dead. And so does everyone in Forks."

"So, we can't go back there."

"Not publicly. If you want to say your goodbyes to your parents - it may be possible."

"Not my mother. She wouldn't be able to handle it. But I'd like some chance to say goodbye to Charlie."

"I don't think I can advise that."

"Not in person. But if I wrote him a letter, could I leave it for him."

"What would you say?"

"Goodbye. That I love him, and that I'm safe, and that he isn't to question it."

"They're getting ready to bury you, Bella. You say your mother couldn't handle it, so why put your father through that pain?"

"Because he's Charlie. Look, I could write the letter as if I wrote it when I first became ill. I could make it seem like I wrote it in case I died. But I need to say goodbye to him."

"Alright."

"And I want you to take it, Jasper."

"I introduced myself as your friend."

"Then you take it to him. Don't post it, give it to him personally."

"I will."

"I'll give you both some time alone. I'm happy that you're fit to travel and so on. I'll go to Ireland, you can join me there." Jasper follows me out into the corridor.

"What about finding out all the details? What if something goes wrong?"

"Jasper, you can handle this. I believe that she's fine. Half-vampire, but fine, and that she's going to stay that way. Test her eyesight and hearing and so on. And her running. See if she still needs human food and drink, or if she's vampiric in that sense. And then join us in Ireland."

"But what if -"

"What if the sky falls, what if the earth burns, what if you turn human tomorrow? We can 'what if' until next century, Jasper, this is the situation we're in."

"Yes Jasper," Bella says from inside the room. "Listen to Carlisle."

"There, do as you're told. Now, I will see you both when I see you, and make sure you call Alice before she has some kind of nervous breakdown, OK? Take some time, get to know each other, and appreciate that you have her back."

"Thank you, Carlisle. For everything."

JPOV

I go back in to Bella, and immediately take her into my arms. She snuggles in instantly, and smiles up at me.

"My angel," she murmurs, stroking my face gently. "You saved my life."

"I nearly killed you doing it."

"But you didn't, and I'm alive, and we'll have forever now."

"Bella, how can you be so sure about this? We've barely known each other six months."

"Jasper, how can you be so sure about this? Sometimes you just know, you meet someone, and you know that they'll be the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with. And I think I knew."

"You think you knew?"

"I wasn't sure when I was human. But then you were here when I woke up, and I saw you like I never had before and I just knew. Unlike you, who always knew. I'm sorry I hurt to at the start there."

"That's fine. Baby, look at me. You saw me and Emmett hunting, you found out I was a vampire. I'd've freaked too."

"Did you apologise to Esme for trashing your room?" I grimace, and she smiles.

"Is this going to be eternity?"

"Yes. It's going to be good, Jasper. You and me."

"I like that. You and me."

"So do I. I'm hungry."

"Hungry for human food?"

"Yeah. I could go for some pizza right about now."

"Then I shall order some in, because god knows I can't cook."

"Yes, I choose life."

"You like the meat special without the pepperoni and with barbeque sauce instead of tomato, right?"

"You know me so well."

"Extra chicken?"

"Yes please."

I order the pizza, make it a small and add chicken wings and a bottle of Coke to the order, and tell them to put a rush on it. She likes to save the chicken wings and eat them cold. I don't understand it myself. I follow the sounds to the bathroom and knock. She calls for me to come in, but I stop short when I do. She's down to her underwear, looking at herself in the mirror.

"Whoa, Bella, I'll come back."

"Don't be such a prude, Jasper. Look." She's running her fingers over a scar on her neck. "It's where you saved me. I'll treasure it forever," she says, quietly. "And I used to have a scar here on my hip. I fell on a rock once, on a holiday to England. We went to Snowdon, and I fell, cut myself. It's gone now."

"That's what the transformation does. Gets rid of everything not caused by our venom. It's left you with something, though."

"What?"

"You have a little birthmark here, just a roughly circular one." I rest one finger on a spot just left of her spine. "It's still there." I put my arms around her waist and press a kiss into her hair. She rests her hands over mine, rests her head back on my chest. "We look good together like this."

"What, when I'm half naked?"

"You'll get no denial from on that. I meant, however, standing together like this."

"You're warm," she whispers. "Warm and soft."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. And wearing too much."

"Sorry, Bella, I put a rush on the pizza."

"You suck."

"No doubt. I want to do this properly Bella. I want us to date."

"So, what would be acceptable for this date?"

"First base." She turns in my arms, and I shift my hands to her hips. She smiles sweetly at me, and really, who could possibly resist that? I slide one hand into her hair, and use the other to pull her closer to me. I kiss her, and she kisses me back, tangling her hands into my hair and pulling slightly, trying to pull me closer. I let her, deepening our kiss, without worrying that I'm going to hurt her or spill her blood. Her hands are starting to stray when the doorbell rings sharply.

"Damn pizza," she mumbles, stepping away from me. Her hair is a mess, but I don't remember doing that. Mind you, I don't remember unbuttoning my shirt, either. I shake my head at her and slip out to answer the door. I'd say that was an eventful start to dating.


End file.
